The Last Oddetsey

[NFX]

"You got a coat?" Twitch asked Leland, lifting his head out of the casket. The macaw was now sporting a bone white helmet that looked as if it had been tailor-made for him. There were gaps for his eyes and his beak, but everything else was covered. His question, though, was slightly muffled, as he had elected to pick up the communicator with his beak.

Okay, not having hands was now a real pain. The magnet and cassette were fine, the helmet he could wear, and the watch seemed like it might fit loosely around the leg that didn't have the tag on it. But holding the communicator in his mouth made it almost comedically redundant, and then there was what he imagined was currency. Being a bird, he didn't really have any manner of carrying it around. "Has anybody got a bag or something?" he inquired, placing the communicator on the ground in front of him.

[playzooki]

playzooki decided to go eenie meenie minie mo bla bla bla and chose the rock musician thingy, and opened it,

[steven_mcg]

"Well, the Grand Cathedral is the other side of the city... but the trains haven't been running since they diverted the power into the shields so you'll have to find your own way there. Also....errrrr....."

Not a problem. I have an excellent sense of direction - or I will do once I cobble a GPS together from all this rubbish! You couldn't possibly write down some directions, my good crispy kangaroo chum? I wouldn't mind taking in the old place on our way out of town.

"Well we had some strange deliveries the other week, we are only a small church but we were told to house some relics until someone came to get them, and that it'd be obvious who they are for. There is one for you Almighty Vengeance in the room to the back of the church, that seems to be operated by some sort of elaborate scanning and such, and there were 16 boxes and nine keys - of which you may have one each, apparently the key will be destroyed when you open the box of your choice."

Ooh, tributes. How very generous. You won't mind, will you? K, thanks, bye.

Vengeance's room appears to a polished metal sphere hovering at waist high and with markings to place hands upon it.

(Well, this is anticlimactic. And more than a little suspect.)

(I know there are gloves in my suit jacket, but I'm not entirely sure how well they'd hold up against 50,000v of surprise electrical feedback. No, I think I'll let my little robot friend scan the bugger - it should only take a few minutes to upgrade him for just that - and make sure it's not a big, shiny trap before I lay hands on it. If he gives the all-clear, though, I'll go right ahead and rip that thing open like a Kinder egg!)

[majinb]

Guided by her angelic plight, still a little bit shaken by the recent events that took place on the mountain, Aurelia is drawn to the nearest church. She was pleased to see the same was somehow true for most of her fellow adventurers.

She joined her party full of good intentions, but her eyes immediately wandered off towards the keys and the caskets. She had intended to inform everyone of what happened on the mountain. She had intended to ask what happened to the rocky one, and what happened to the rest of them since they had split up. She intended about the Old Worlds Club, the Void Archon, the seemingly masked chanting-yet-not-chanting creatures. She had intended what was up with the dead cat outside, the pantless ducks, the statues. She had intended to ask the party if they had considered the villainous Professor Vengeance's doubtful motivations...

... well she couldn't let that one pass...

"Have you considered the villainous Professor Vengeance's doubtful motivations?"

Her eyes gazed upon the keys and the caskets again...

"I'll take the French one!"

[alex_holt]

Playzooki extracts a jacket from the casket, and immediately all eyes in the room are upon him as the thing he pulls out the most sequinned object that has been produced in the multiverse. Even the sequins on the sequins have sequins. A note that falls out of it suggests that it is designed to be bullet proof, fire proof and stabbing weapon resistant, which is kind of necessary in that it makes the wearer the complete centre of attention in a room, in any context at all, be it romantic or target for assassination. It also has several pockets which still smell of the residue of illicit substances.

The door shuts behind Vengeance giving him complete privacy.

Arriving suddenly out of nowhere, Aurelia quickly is drawn to the casket of Maurice Francois, and on opening it up he finds a bizarre artifact - a ten seater collapsible bicycle where all the internal tubing seems to be filled with some ancient and particularly potent wine. A stopper on the handlebar seems to be how you extract this ludicrous vintage.

Professor Vengeance successfully modifies his little butlerbot and the robot detects no immediate threats from the sphere. He hesitantly places his hands on it and suddenly the sphere doesn't feel quite so solid - it flows in liquid metal form around and onto Vengeances hands before forming into a particularly dapper pocketwatch. A quick test reveals this to be thoughtsteel - a superhard metal that morphs into whatever shape the owner requires of it. However, from the middle of this sphere drops a tiny glowing object which hits the floor and begins to project up a hologram. One unmistakably of the face of a very elderly Professor Reginald Fortescue Vengeance (Esq.)

"So... you took your time..."

[Max]

__________________________________________________ _______

SPOD:

Sprondinkle fills you in that you are probably a faller, and that as this is an alternate dimension, "Earth in the 22nd Century" is a fairly meaningless description. It is possibly to get home, but only a few beings in the history of the World have managed it and that was pretty much all in ancient history that that travelling happened - Frank Goacher, Lord Doomforall and Professor Vengeance. Sprondinkle is very clear that he wouldn't like to be messing around with anything left over by them.

Other than that, he reveals you are in a neighbourhood known as the Devil's Sock Draw, and that pretty much the same is going on here as has always gone on here - vandalism, graffiti, muggings, drugs, dub-step, watching The Only Way is Essex and other despicable crimes.

(Professor vengeance! That was the weird bloke from before!) "What else do you know about this Professor Vengence? Do you know anything more about how those people escaped and how I can do the same?"

Spod glances round the shop to see if be can find anything he wants to trade for, he looks for something like a map, books or mobile tablets which he can use to find a way home.

[alex_holt]

Sprondinkle cringes "Why would you want to know about him? He's ancient history, hasn't been seen in thousands of years. A reeeeal nasty piece of work, would be saving the world one minute and trying to take it over the next, wouldn't catch me going anywhere the likes of that guy!"

As for map... perhaps I can interest you in a geolocational earwig? It's the last one I have left, very rare and hard to get hold of these days - will let you have perfect knowledge of where you are at all times!"

[steven_mcg]

The door shuts behind Vengeance giving him complete privacy.

...Professor Vengeance successfully modifies his little butlerbot and the robot detects no immediate threats from the sphere. He hesitantly places his hands on it and suddenly the sphere doesn't feel quite so solid - it flows in liquid metal form around and onto Vengeances hands before forming into a particularly dapper pocketwatch. A quick test reveals this to be thoughtsteel - a superhard metal that morphs into whatever shape the owner requires of it.

Fascinating. A mimetic polyalloy operating under subconscious control. I am going to turn you into so many blunt objects while I'm stuck here!

However, from the middle of this sphere drops a tiny glowing object which hits the floor and begins to project up a hologram. One unmistakably of the face of a very elderly Professor Reginald Fortescue Vengeance (Esq.)

"So... you took your time..."

Oh bugger. ><

OK. Let's just go with this. If you really are me from the future, you'll know that I'm not terribly keen on surprises like these. So before we get into the whole Old Spock/New Spock nonsense, prove your credentials. Tell me something only Reginald Vengeance would know. My guilty pleasure pop song, my dream bride and honeymoon, my secret hiding place for all the Malteasers so Dr Kaos doesn't scoff them all, the manky Scots git; anything, I don't mind at all! Just whisper it in my ear and then I can decide whether or not to throw this floating football into the wall or not.

And if you are indeed the real McCoy, what are you doing here and what's going on? Are you pulling a paradox to get us out of this lunacy? I must admit having your own world faith rather loses its allure when the whole multiverse is about to go 'pop'.

[alex_holt]

"Well yes that goes without saying - I wouldn't trust ghostly spectral old me if I appeared out of the blue - which is why I quickly point out two things before I fail to answer your barrage of questions. Firstly, I'm not actually you - I'm one of those mental imprint thingies - you know - Jor-El in the Fortress of Solitude deals. Secondly, I'm actually a younger you. Yes. The Face. I know. You've been to this universe before. Twice! Fortunately for you escaping it was a whole Narnia type deal - get out and de-ages you, though apparently it may cause severe permanent damage to most of the memories between getting here and getting out. Apparently you must have thought it worth the risk, though bugger me if I know why, you didn't see fit to copy me that completely.

Anyway, according to my computers you've got the deliveries - took a bit to wrangle those to here, it should have included some special watches - they are counting down to the point where the forces outside the shield will break through and begin the chain reaction that will destroy the multiverse. Not something I'm thrilled by even if I am only a simulation. I don't know what exactly is going on, but the readings suggest that thing up there has the same energy signature Doomforall's void staff. It's probably his fault somehow. On the plus side, if you save the multiverse from him, that is both a win over him and probably will net you loads of people signing fealty to you!".

[andrewj]

Cleo was still distressed by the levitating cat from earlier, but she seemed more relaxed by Aurelia's presence.

"I was worried about you... Where did you go? Where's Caspasian?"

Cleo remained intrigued about the telepathic message and the psychic wave she had felt and wondered if the Cucumberoo could help.

"What else can you tell me about the measures in place to stop widespread panic?"

She then picked up one of the keys in her mouth and scanned the remaining metal caskets. Something seemed appealing about the strange catfish-like creature, so she awkwardly began to open that box.

[playzooki]

(Woah... what even is this? Ooh a label. blah blah fireproof, bulletproof and anti stabbing weapon? Wow...)

playzooki was rather stunned as he had never seen anything as valuable.

[alex_holt]

Cleo recieves a vial of liquid whose label suggests it will somehow improve her psionic powers on consumption.

Professor Vengeance is given a street map of the city, and the Church and the Cathedral are both circled.

[kodster]

Okay, this was getting unbearable. Eudial's arms were really starting to bother her. If an anime sweatdrop could have appeared above her head, it would have. "God damn it! My arms... what's happening?!" she panicked. "Does anyone have any itch reliever???"

[NWOWWE]

"God damn it! My arms... what's happening?!" she panicked. "Does anyone have any itch reliever???"

Gaunt's eye's lit up! Finally the chance at making a sale had arrived! He pulled the mysterious bottle of aftershave out of one of his pockets and waved his hand over it. The label on it seemed to change slightly.

"Itch reliever?" Gaunt asked. "Well not completely. This is actually mostly meant for burns I believe, but in a pinch would do for other kinds of irritation."

This was only a lie at face value. Gaunt's products strongly favored the placebo effect. If she wanted it to relieve her pain, it would. For someone else? Not so much.

"I'd be more than willing to give it to you." Gaunt then put on his most charming salesmen smile "I would only ask the small compensation of, say, 10 of these credits we've found."

The aftershave was completely worthless to him, and 10 credits was enough of a compensation so as to not seem outlandish and appear a bargain for the relief he was offering. Ordinarily he would add on a prank here, but there was no value in causing mischief (at least not with the information he had to work with), so he would settle for what he really needed: more supplies.

"What do you say my dear? Do we have a deal?"

[kodster]

Relief! It was what Eudial wanted so badly, and it was so near. And anyway 10 credits seemed like a logical trade-off. What would she be able to get in this weird universe with these credits anyway? But as she rummaged through her belongings, a particularly nasty scrape finally broke through her skin, and her blood tickled out a bit. She winced; as she did so, her fingers hit something not the fabric out of her outfit. And at that touch, the merest thought of an echo passed through her mind.

Don't trust any of the others, especially Vengeance.

That was true. But then again, Eudial argued in her mind, Gaunt had no reason to be so devious. Cheap pranks were not beyond him, but he would gain nothing from it. Then again, she had beheld his true form already, and wouldn't put it past him to try and profit for only himself. A demon's charm only went so far if they knew its true nature.

Truthfully, the itching pains were subsiding, though the bleeding cut stung Eudial like a mad hornet. She withdrew her hands and examined her arms for a moment. Then she looked up at the old salesman.

"It... appears that my pains have been but a passing memory," she simpered. "All except for... well..." she glanced at the cut, and then at the bottle. "Relieving itches is one thing, but putting that on an open wound would likely make it much worse, so I will have to turn down your offer... for now," Eudial added. Good save. "Nonetheless I will keep it in mind, should this return to trouble me. Don't auction it off to anyone else yet."

She looked up and growled, red-faced. If the other Witches dare found out about this, she would have all 4 of them roasted on a spit.