Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

[scott]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

Either that or just choke him...

[darkguru]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

Dragonzord is a machine...

[scott]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

Machines are people too, you know!

[alex_holt]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

Please remember that if I dotn know exactly what something is I make it up, kapiche?

Cobra Commander vs. Funky Junkie

House fighters are Achilles and Allanon

The cobra commander has a machinegun, he€™s 100% true blood Texan enjoys shooting things. Preferably unarmed things. This particularly college kid looks more than a little out of it, so makes the perfect target, unfortunalty Horace P. Holmes or HP as hes known to everyone happens to be latently psychic. This in itself is not a problem, however what it does mean that if he sees something that€™s not there, for example a rapping real of selotape they are bought into existence to accommodate his 6th sense. Unfortunalty as someone who believes everything the media tell him he decides to shoot the selotape because rapping causes crime, unluckily for him there is a thick wall behind the selotape and some of the spray of bullets hit the person who fired them. The wise pink crocodile nods its head solemnly.

Funky Junky Advances to Round 2!

A hippopotamus vs. The Linear Launcher
House fighters are slammer and tengu.

The hippo charges, bearing its teeth and chomps into the flipper robot, despite this it€™s the fact that the linear launcher fires the flipper which does most damage to it, the hippo trips on the upraised bar and lands face down on the robot, halving the machines height. It doesn€™t help that the hippo had just been stuffing itself after Christmas. The bar tries to raise to lift the weight of the hippo off it, it creaks for a few centimeters and then snaps. Unfortunalty the hippy seems unable to get up. We call in slammer to pry the two apart, the ridiculously muscular man only just able to lift the bulk of the hippo, unfortunalty at that moment he has a call from Clover and drops the hippo to answer it, squashing the linear launcher flat as a pancake.

Hippopotamus goes through to Round 2!

Dr Ivo Robotnik vs. Spyro

House fighters are slaying mantis and Odysseus

Last years runner up is an internationally accepted figure, thrice Nobel peace prize winner, blomonge tycoon and the modern equivalent of Leonardo de Vinci in terms of inventions. On the opposite side is a rather weeny and camp purple dragon. Dr Robotnik feels sorry for it and tranquilizes it with a blow dart, putting the little dragon to sleep instantly. He takes it to a vet and he summarizes that the problem is that its got an inflamed throat due to an unusual growth there, but it shouldn€™t be too hard to remove.
Spyro wakes up several hours later to see a red mustached figure standing over him, he recognizes his adversary. He tries to flame him, nut he can€™t something is missing, he goes mad trying to flame, the stress gets to him however and he has a breakdown and is taken into care.

Dr Ivo Robotnik advances to Round 2!

Evil Dragonzord vs. a mars bar

House fighters are darkerstar and angel of the abyss.

The giant reptilian robot type thing crushes the mars bar, but suddenly it picks up something on its sensors, a vast mass of grey heading towards it. I comes closer and the dragonzords worse nightmares are fulfilled. Lawyers. Seven hundred and eighty world class lawyers for the Mars Corporation to be exact. They obliterate the dragonzords in a series of blistering legal defeats and the dragonzords ends up having to sell all its weapons and armour to hillbilly scrap merchants to pay off legal fees. The dragonzords is a broken death robot and goes onto the bottle, or should I say oil tanker fileld with vodka, damages its robotic liver and falls apart aged just 23.

Mars Bar advances to Round 2!

The Red power ranger vs. Thomas the Tank Engine

Tengu and Kali

The steam powered locomotive, who is also coincidentally the anti-Christ is annoyed at failing to win this last time around, however he€™s got more tricks up his pistons this time. The red power ranger starts doing clever looking martial arts kicks and flips trying to sound strong. Thomas rolls his eyes, he finds this kind of showing off patronizing and proceeds to shoots a scalding hot fireball at the power ranger knocking him flying into a brick wall. Fortunatly for the power ranger hissuit is made of a material which although tight and making the owner look like a complete pillock actually never allows any kind of damage to it. So despite being bruised and mildly concussed the power ranger is entirely unharmed. Unfortunatly due to slight concussion he doesn€™t notice the train accelerating towards him, and then past him with a loud squelch in the interlude.

Thomas the Tank engine advances to Round 2!

Dick Dastardly and Muttly vs. Teabag

House fighters for today are nodachi and salamander

The inept duo of man and dog aren€™t looking forward to this, they suspect that as with every other thing they€™ve done in their lives something will happen causing them to loose in a way which is a) spectacular, b) very painful and c) humorous for most people except d) themselves. They advance on the teabag which is sitting on the soil looking harmless. Muttly gulps, this makes it worse, the more inconspicuous an enemy the more humiliating this will be. This is fulfilled when suddenly a puddle of black paint which had been spilled in front of them somehow warps matter into being a hole in the ground. Dick Dastardly falls into it but Muttley avoids it by deftly sidestepping. Unfortunatly he slips backwards on a banana skin and follows Dick Dastardly down the hole. However theres one factor the teabag hadn€™t accounted for, and that€™s quantum probability; over all the mishaps over the years D. Dastardly and Muttly have build up a massive luck debt against the universe, as by the laws of probability on 50/50 odds they have lost on over 1000 times. Therefore a blast of the laws of probability teleports the pair out of the whole and the soggy teabag spontaneously combusts.

Dick Dastardly and Muttly Advance to Round 2!

Still to come€¦.

Mr Game and Watch vs. Bouncy Castle
Starfire vs. T-X
Apocalypse vs. Red Dwarfs Mr Flibble.
Nescafe Beans vs. Prof. Vengeance
Mars vs. Ringwraith
Seymour vs. Weginator Revilotion
Fryloch vs. Basket Ball
Kodiak vs. 100% Artificial Insecure Hypocritical guarantee
Nightmare vs. The Holy Bible
Gravity vs. teapot
Miles €˜Tails€™ Prower vs. a bar of chocolate
Monty Pythons My brain hurts Gumby vs. Homer Simpson
A Velociraptor vs. an electrical storm
Shiva vs. Hexadecimator
Jaina Solo vs. A London Red Bus
Sticky Popcorn Cinema Floor vs.
Kyp Durran vs. Golden Monkey
Sugar Cube vs. Intense Humming of Evil

[steven_mcg]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

AWOOHOO! 3/3 in todays proceedings! Dick and Muttleys extraordinary luck must be spreading to the rest of the team

Super stuff as ever, Alex!

[kodster]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

TAKE THAT, LINEAR LAUNCHER AND TEABAG!!!

Team Gore
http://www.geocities.com/kodybluz/kodybluz2http://www.geocities.com/kodybluz/kodybluz2
http://tgrc.proboards44.comhttp://tgrc.proboards44.com

[mrdaves]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

Completly off topic, but a wars incarnate style fight:

http://www.geocities.com/mrdave1986/Wedge.gif

[alex_holt]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

is anyone else scared?

[pcbore]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

Extremely.

[Guest]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

O_O

[andrewj]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

*starts edging away.... very quickly!*

...

...



...

...

*edges off a cliff*

[pcbore]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

What a shame. Everyone loved AJ and... Ah, screw it. PARTY!!

*Pops open a champagne bottle*

And just so everyone knows, Im well aware that when AJ returns from the dead Ill be in for some real chamPAIN

[alex_holt]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

To speed up proceedings ever so slightly I wont bother introducing house fighters. Sorry for the delay, this next fight has been a tad uninspiring, but I€™ve come up with a solution so here we go again.

Mr Game and Watch vs. Bouncy Castle

Mr Game and Watch gradually, er moves€¦ towards his adversary, he knows that all an extra dimension is, is a wider target to hit. He gets out his frying pan and it about to chuck sausages all over his adversary when an unexpected figure appears.
Jamie Oliver steps up behind him and takes a look at his pan €˜Nah mate, I wouldn€™t feed that to my dog, its just pig bits and additives, not real food€™
Mr Game and Watch is confused by this as he has never had to eat anything in his life, hes made of black pixels, not mater like everyone else. I see Nintendo is giving really lousy food money for tis games, we need to sort it out, Nintendo is causing the children to look up to junk food I want to change that. After forcing Miyamoto to sign a contract and Jamie Oliver produces a series called Ninendo Game Dinners, which is vastly popular and causes people to put a pertition to downing street, who pass a law saying only good qualityfood can be shown in video games. Mr Game and Watch was fond of his sausages and commits suicide.

The Bouncy Castle Goes through to Round 2

Starfire vs. T-X

The Terminator X senses something in its scanning, however due to my literal interpretation of anything I cant be bothered to ask about this is some literal fire. From a star. It blast the TX who just reforms, everyone knows that its not that easy, and it takes several sequels to do anything so permanent. The TX morphs its arm into a big blasty cannon type weapon, the writers never bothered to describe it beyond €˜it shots blue lasers which go boom€™ which realisitically is far more than the effects department usually gets to work with, which is why they amuse themselves with lots of explosions. The beam shoots and hits Starfire, unfortunately unbeknownst to anyone, least of all the special effects department the exact ions used in the blue blasty thing happen to cause a chain react into the fire, which oddly enough causes it to turn into marshmallows. The TX is buried beneath several tones of the thigns but eventually digs its way out to calim victory.

T-X advances to Round 2

Apocalypse vs. Red Dwarfs Mr Flibble.

I only watched an odd episode of red dwarf and offhand I can€™t remember Mr flibble and therefore can€™t remember who it is, as such I€™m just going to assume hes the kind of hapless fellow who normally inhabits that world. Therefore it was infact him who inadvertently caused the apocalypse, whereby according to the laws of cheesy dialogue (printed 1998, 1999 by Ironhand Publishers, see chapter 8, clause 12) €˜The one who initiates an apocalypse inevitably survives. This is backed up by €˜The rules€™ from the dancing gods. Go look it up. Anyway the apocalypse runs its course from which he emerges unscathed.

Mr Flibble advances to Round 2!

Nescafe Beans vs. Prof. Vengeance

The beans sit there looking innocent, The wootinator must have dropped tem muses the professor. Suddenly they leap towards him, but the professor is ready, his Chaos Emerlad imbued cane zaps towards them, quickly dry roasting the little beggars. But they land in water and possess it and stain all fo the professors smart clothing brown, which really irritates him, he had to €˜terminate his contract€™ with his last washing lady after she inadvertently got caught in an experiment to transform cheese into rock, so the moon will crash into earth. The beans are now fully dissolved hwoever, so the professor raises an eyebrow at this ridiculously anticlimactic fight.

Proffessor Vengeance Advances to Round 2!

Mars vs. Ringwraith

The planet mars looms over the horizon, a giant red orb floating in the sky, It gains speed, and hardens tis resolve, its outer crust breaking as it slowly drifts through the atmosphere, the heat burning away at its dusty exterior. It smashes into the earth, ripping it apart at the seems, volcanos spurt fire, waves wipe away the land. Unfortunatly Mars had the wrong address, he assumed that M. Earth was just normal earth, and as such Rignwraith wonders why his opponent never showed up.

Ring wraith advances to round 2!

Seymour vs. Wedginator Revolution

To be honest I can€™t remember anything bout either so I flip a coin. Both parties look annoyed.

Wedginator Revolution goes through to Round 2!

Fryloch vs. Basket Ball

I€™m gonna make up this guy, I€™m going to make up some random psychic teenager, unfortunately someone ahs created a compound which is immune to psychic powers and so the balls bounces repeatativly at Fryloch, his body too feeble because he never botheres using it cos of the power, the ball smashes him down below, then in the head, and then below. Sort of a full body work out. Eventually he drops to the floor unconscious which the ball pummels him further, turning his skin a nasty shade of blue.

Basket Ball Advances to Round 2!

Kodiak vs. 100% Artificial Insecure Hypocritical guarantee

The giant digital beastie type thing looks menacing, however he doesn€™t realise his software is covered by the guarantee, this unfortuantly means that hes full of bugs, he tries to move but theres a five second delay due to shoddy computer, which is also covered by the guarantee. He roars, but error messages pop across his eyes and the sound faisl to materialise. He really is getting pissed off now and smacks forward, however the game engine collapses in on itself. The guarantee then relaises that he didn€™t cover the pc, it was just a mac.

100% Artificial Insecure Hypocritical guarantee advances to round 2!

Nightmare vs. The Holy Bible

Someone out there thought this was quite a good idea, evil vs good, however what they failed to appreciate is that a) the bible is inanimate, it can€™t have dreams and secondly b) that the bible is filed with some pretty gruesome stuff itself, so al the nightmare can do is add itself as an appendix involving evil purples apes and hitch a ride to round 2.

The holy bible advances to Round 2!

Gravity vs. teapot

The teapot travels through tiem and space, whirling with its tacky china designs, spurting boiling tea onto anyone who annoys it, however a shift in gravity causes it to look back on itself really sharply which causes the tea to hit across the surface of the life orb of gravity, causing it to shatter. Accidentla suicide by gravity. The teapot just carries on going.

Teapot advances to round 2!

Miles €˜Tails€™ Prower vs. a bar of chocolate

Tails just flies around aimlessly, whereupon he spies his enemy. He is about to dart down when Hector sees the chocolate bar, who holds an evil secret, it can possess those who eats it, it already has control of George W Bush and a good deal fo other people. Unfortunatly its current incarnation is a fruit and nut bar, which Hecotr despties, so he spits it out and chucks it in the bin, meaning that tails never fidns his foe and advances.

Tails advances to round 2!

Monty Pythons My brain hurts Gumby vs. Homer Simpson

Homer decides to eat a big jar of honey which he ordered off a tacky shopping chanel. However he wanders of to get some sugar to put on it when gumby wanders over, he sees a big jar of honey and dives in to eat it. Gumby jumps into the jar to get at the honey and becomes stuck, he drifts slowly through the great honey jar with his lungs full of honey amongst other deceased Gumbies.

Homer Simpson advances to Round 2

Still to Come

A Velociraptor vs. an electrical storm
Shiva vs. Hexadecimator
Jaina Solo vs. A London Red Bus
Sticky Popcorn Cinema Floor vs.
Kyp Durran vs. Golden Monkey
Sugar Cube vs. Intense Humming of Evil

[alex_holt]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

I wish to announce that this will most likely be the last Wars Incarnate or for that matter my tournament of any kind, I actually am beginning to get work to do for a change, so I dont know if can keep this up.

[steven_mcg]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

WOOHOO! to the Prof and Mr Prowers victories and got to say its a shame that Alex may soon be stopping these tournies, since hes one of the most creative chappies around

...I dont suppose theres any chance the rights for the Wars Incarnate would go up for sale now? :wink: