Wars Incarnate III: Tag Team Tantrum

[kodster]

Wars Incarnate III: Tag Team Tantrum

Wow, it must be pretty big of a finale for such a long wait.

[corsair_lightning]

Wars Incarnate III: Tag Team Tantrum

Were waiting.

[majinb]

Wars Incarnate III: Tag Team Tantrum

stop being rude Mark

[Guest]

Wars Incarnate III: Tag Team Tantrum

Martijns right Mark. Stop criticising the way other people write tournaments when you do them the way you do.

[alex_holt]

Wars Incarnate III: Tag Team Tantrum

Lol. If you didnt notice, this tournament started in August 2006, and it will finish pretty soon with any luck, however, it will of course be done in my own timely fashion, lol.

[joey_picus]

Wars Incarnate III: Tag Team Tantrum

Hes trying to beat his own record for longest running tournament ever...

[corsair_lightning]

Wars Incarnate III: Tag Team Tantrum

Does this mean I get to write the 3rd Place Playoff?

[corsair_lightning]

Wars Incarnate III: Tag Team Tantrum

Which will be:

Rudolf and the 10th Planet vs Dragonzord/Megazord

[joey_picus]

Wars Incarnate III: Tag Team Tantrum

No.

[Guest]

Wars Incarnate III: Tag Team Tantrum

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ON ABOUT MARK?!

Someone come quick hes trying to steal control of another tournament!!

[kodster]

Wars Incarnate III: Tag Team Tantrum

Mark, get the hell out.

[alex_holt]

Wars Incarnate III: Tag Team Tantrum

If I ever decide to let you write the conclusion to anything of mine Mark, Ill let you know. However, I really wouldnt hold your breath, do not presume things.

[alex_holt]

Wars Incarnate III: Tag Team Tantrum

And now€¦. For the final that people had given up waiting for€¦.

Professor Vengeance and Dr Robotnik

vs

Old Age Mutant Ninja Turtle and his Golf Caddy Luigi



Always a fan of melodrama, Vengeance narrows his eyes as his cape flutters wildly behind him, a stark black shape against the skyline as thunder cracks behind him and the wind and rain lash down upon the world like the fury of a mad god. Which it incidentally is, but that€™s a story for another day.
Beside him, creaking ominously in a hulking body of metal stands Robotnik, who being not quite so comfortable saturated in melodrama, his rain sodden moustache making him look rather sorrowful€¦ fortunately some lab goggles protect his eyes from the pounding rain.
Across the field of battle stands the turtle, who looks increasingly bewildered, this kind of weather usually makes him hibernate and the sleepiness combined with his increasing senility haven€™t done his wits much good. Luigi stands at his side with a rather large parasol, shielding the rain from his employer.
Vengeance€™s hand clasps his cane like some demonic claw, the sinews holding perfectly steady, ready for the fight to begin, a slight twitch is mirrored in Luigi€™s hands. The arena is silent except for the lashing of the rain€¦ and the deafening sound of massive motors and valves and pistons churning within Robotnik€™s machine.
Suddenly the standoff is shattered and is a single dept movement the chaos emerald studded cane of Vengeance is flipped forward, a dazzling beam of light blasting forth from the tip even as a torrent of lime fire churns forth from the tips of the plumber-turned-caddy. Both blasts rocket towards the other and meet perfectly aligned in the middle. As we all know however there is no possible way that fire could parry a laser blast or the other way round and thus Vengeance is knocked backwards even as he wraps his special flame proof cape around him before landing in a pose ripped straight out of a martial arts film, while thousands of tiny electromagnetic pulses in the cape cause it to billow in a satisfactorily dramatic way.
Equally Luigi is impacted by the blast, ridding through his shoulder is a scorching beam of pain, fortunately his character shield absorbed almost the entire attack, and the beam, despite causing anguished looks on his moustachioed face, managed to miss anything that would in anyway effect the outcome of the fight.
Elsewhere on the battlefield the hulking mechanised machine operated by Robotnik marches on the turtle€¦ only to find four of them! All four have an RSVP sent from Luigi to the others and they seem to be confusedly arguing amongst themselves€¦
€œI don€™t even remember which one I am to be honest€ mutters one of them€¦.
€œYeah, I recall one of us liking pizza more than the mothers, it might have been me I suppose€
€œIt might have been me too€¦. If only we€™d had better quality headbands€¦ they all faded or got lost years ago€
€œYeah, I could only tell us apart using this colour key in the first place€
The key the turtle talks about is a rather sorry looking scrap of paper in the turtle€™s hand that has clearly been folded and unfolded thousands of times. The only excuse for the appalling handwriting is presumably that they only have 2 fingers and a thumb each. By each name is a block of colour in what appears to be wax crayon in lumps of purple, red, orange and blue.

Oblivious to this conversation Robotnik pulls the €˜stomp€™ lever in the control area of the ship. However, not all their prowess is gone and over forty throwing stars (and a pair of false teeth) lodge themselves into the front plate of the giant generic mech.
One of the turtles unfolds his Zimmer frame into nunchuks and begins to pound at the legs, another folds his into a staff and vaults up to the robot and starts pounding the head mercilessly. The third turtle has fallen asleep but the fourth extracts two katanas from the frame and begins to slash at the huge machine€¦

Elsewhere the fantastically evil mind of Vengeance has located the source of the power of the green menace€¦ a quick modification to his cane, then pulls down the head protector bubble from his top hat and he lets off a massive pulse of energy€¦. This blast is somehow at the exact frequency to set hair alight and the Italians magnificent facial plumes burst into fire€¦ Without his moustache his powers are wasted, but Vengeance is weary considering what happened with the last caddy€¦ His cane flips out its psionics screwdriver attachment and sticks it into the side of Luigi€™s head and starts twisting it around even as Luigi screams €˜You stand no chance, your victory will be brief!€™
Even as the words exit his lips the Professor finds what he was looking for and withdraws the blade. Luigi is forced into involuntarily using his charge attack, charging up, but a second psionics blade strike prevent him from releasing is power and it builds and builds uncontrollably until Luigi is nothing but a brilliant green nova of pure energy, and then is gone€¦ He is not dead, but not alive as we know it and certainly not here and now, he is at one with the Caddyforce€¦

However something about his last words bugs Vengeance, gnawing at his soul€¦ Behind him he hears thick metal grinding as if being torn apart as if it was paper.
He turns to see the huge mech being torn asunder its adamantine chassis buckling beneath attacks of millions and millions of senile turtles€¦ Using his data goggles he surveys the situation, and steps back in horror. He sees a mountain that was not there before, but is in fact getting larger - a massive organic clone factory - each green module contains a clone of an aging turtle and when the module pops open to release the turtle the dozens of fragments reform into new turtle vats before his eyes and the process begins anew.
Robotnik is dragged screaming from the lifeless corpse of his mech and dragged off into the mound amidst a sea of grumbling old ninja turtles€¦ Luigi never mentioned his doctorate in improbably evil science, it was his edge over his foes, to know their minds€¦ Robotnik€™s cries go silent as does the world it seems.

Thousands of reptilian faces stare at him. He sighs and reaches into the jacket pocket of his waistcoat and draws out a small bag, which he unties, and empties from it some chaos emeralds which he scatters into his hands. He slots each into a hole in each of the knuckles of his gauntlets, and a field of energy encases his body. He then clicks a button on his goggles and chaos emerald lenses flash down over the existing lenses. His cane makes a sudden €˜snikt€™ noise and hundreds of chaos emerald spines extrude from it and the phone thing glows€¦

Then he charges into the ever growing horde, massive blasts of energy flow through the army mashing turtles into soup. Hundreds of miscellaneous ninja weapons impact into him, denting the energy armour and more turtles join the fray, constantly more and more€¦ The ground beneath him is slippy with €˜soup€™ and even as his cane slashes through the shell of another turtle he sees the hopelessness of it - his own attacks to the cloning mountain only speed the growth by dividing it faster€¦ He blasts a jet of energy through an approaching turtle before ducking under another katana blow and shattering a staff by crushing it in his emerald fuelled super grasp€¦
Knowing only one thing to do, he races towards the heart of the mountain, energy blade slashing even as the turtles hobbles after him€¦ he had to stop this€¦ Then upon reaching the core of the hill, where only the eerie glow seeping through the pods above him lit his way, a surikens lodged behind his shoulder knocking him to the floor€¦ his usually pristine outfit stained green and red€¦
With a few moments of concentration and some slight contortionism he put all the chaos emeralds about his person into a single connecting set and then initiated nuclear fusion with them all. The world whited out and then the turtles, the mountain and the professor where entirely gone.

The Winner?

Me of course! I, Lord Doomforall arranged this entire tournament for two purposes - first, amusement, because there is never enough. Secondly I have got rid of all the most potent adversaries in the multiverse in one foul swoop. I may have swung it in my favour, who do you think sponsored Luigi through that doctorate? Me of course. Who controlled the entire thing from start to finish? Think about it.

Now you are of course free to get along with your life in my glorious new world order safe in the knowledge that you only have your own gullibility to blame. Haha

Oh and if you insist, as the last blow was struck by him, Vengeance is posthumously awarded the title of Champion. Much good it will do him.

Hope you enjoyed the tournament, I hope you think it was worth it.

[kodster]

Wars Incarnate III: Tag Team Tantrum

It was, dear boy.

So Vengeance finally claims 1st place...interesting.

Good job, even if it was slightly...time-consuming.

[steven_mcg]

Wars Incarnate III: Tag Team Tantrum

Phew! That was a nail-biter and no mistake. Its about time I broke my runner-up streak in these tournies, but dont think that this is a posthumous victory. Thanks goodness for my Deus Ex (TM) Emergency Temperal Shift Teleportation Device.

Good game to everyone who entered and bravo to Alex on finishing, even if it did take two years.