The Last Oddetsey

[alex_holt]

Your search for "easy mode" yielded the following item:

The Easy Mode serum - A powerful serum developed thirty years ago, the Easy Mode serum grants anything to someone they could need. Enhanced strength, intelligence, speed, magic, healing from severe wounds in no time and various superpowers. There is however a cost - any ability invoked speeds the ageing process. Short term boosts to physical attributes within a species norm might lose you a few hours, granting moderate super speed or strength for 2 hours will cost a week of life per hour while regenerating from a mortal wound would probably cost you two years. Never measured fully, there is no known upper limit to the utmost levels of power it can grant...

[majinb]

"I'll have the gloves, the wings and the daggers please."

[alex_holt]

LELAND

"There is a certain prototype of a rival company of ours whose technology we would be very interested in acquiring - the Phoenix engine - but it's owner, one Ms Triablos has rebuffed our more than reasonable offers. Perhaps as hired consultants you might have a bit better luck "persuading" her and getting that item into our possession. I will send you all information you need once you leave this place.

[shadowflare]

"How a-boooout.... a hat?"

[majinb]

"Leprechaun! Dwarf! Squirrel! Assemble around me, for at my disposal I have the greatest surprise a leprechaun/dwarf/squirrel trio could imagine! For here I have A Box with 3 pairs of preserved Angel wings! If you'd turn around please, I will smack them on your backs and you shall be able to fly as majestically as myself and our close friend the Mammoth! And talking about you, Mammoth, I have a little something for you too!"

-"I can't wait!"

"But that MUST wait, for first I shall show you... The Mecha-bracers of Unity! 3 pairs of humanoid one size fits all gauntlets that will give each of the wearers the combined strength, speed and agility of all of them! They go to the Leprechaun, the Dwarf and myself for we have humanoid hands! Can you feel that boost Leprechaun and Dwarf? I know I can!"

-"This is fantastic!"

"And now, my biggest surprise of all. My Tub O'Daggers! Mammoth, come forth! Since you have not received any item thus far, you shall be the first one to choose one of my majestic daggers!"

-"I shall take the Spectrum knife - 2 handed handle on a tiny brittle blade, would probably shatter against anything harder than human flesh, but fires a destructive rainbow blast out of the jewel on the pommel!"

"Very well! You, squirrel, who has been given wings but not gauntlets! Be the next one to select a dagger!"

-"I shall take this brace of 3 perfectly balanced returning throwing daggers made of pale blue steel! I shall wear whatever this cloth is they are in as a rucksack!"

"Good choice! Leprechaun! You are next!"

-"I'll get the bracer containing a hidden spring loaded adamantium dagger, to go with the flick knife I already have! I'll be like Wolverine with wings!"

"Hurray! Dwarf, you shall pick now! I still have 4 noteworthy daggers left, the fiery one, the dual wielding one, the lie detecting one, and the super thin one! Choose wisely..."

-"Gold!"

"... or take the mundane one from the bottom of the tub that has fake gold plating... right then, with that sorted out... I myself will carry with me the Blade of Thrillion - Glows vermillion in the presence of lies, custard and pebbledash. Now, allow me to put the items that remain unused in the room of this castle I have claimed earlier. In the meantime, could the 4 of you please prepare the Maurice Francois Tandem? We are going downtown!"

(flash forward a few minutes)

"Hello Leprechaun, Dwarf, Squirrel and Mammoth! With our newfound arsenal, I daresay we make an exquisite legion. I wish to utilize this, for there is always injustice! We shall cycle through the city until we find a calamity that needs our saving expertise!"

After saying so long to the fellow rift warriors, Aurelia and her posse cycle away.

[steven_mcg]

[leaves cinema]

And George, make sure you back up as many serials as you and the castle's memory banks can safely handle! We'll be billionaires just selling this stuff legally to all the nerds back home!

(OK, it's official. Christopher Lee is now my second favourite Doctor. There are few things in life more satisfying to the soul than watching Dracula outwitting Cybermen. Ahhh...)

What's going on here then?

[alex_holt]

Vengeance is quickly filled in on the rules of the item distributing machine

- 7 searches, you get to keep 3 of your choices
- Use computer search formats, eg, just phrases, not a sentence eg. "Big Axe" = good, "I want a big axe" = bad.
- If someone else has picked all their 3 choices, you are allowed to ask for one of their castoffs as one of your choices.

[steven_mcg]

(Hmm, I see; replicator technology meets search engine software. No point trying to ask for anything I want too badly. Even if this version of Bing or whatever it runs on is up to date, I just know Doomsy's slipped in some "monkey's paw" subroutine or something to jinx whatever choice I make. I would, anyway.)

OK then, let's search for:

~ model steam train
~ 13 black roulette
~ wiimote
~ so bad it's good movie
~ silver age comic book
~ malteasers
~ bonzo dog doodah band discography

Yes! Take that, common sense!

[GF93]

I just know Doomsy's slipped in some "monkey's paw" subroutine or something to jinx whatever choice I make. I would, anyway.

But it comes with a free Frogurt. :P

[alex_holt]

OOC: As there are loads to do at once, I'm going to skip the normal format

MARISA

A Hat
- A jaunty and glamorous beret. What is less obvious is some of the chemicals weaved into the fibres which allow whoever you meet to automatically consider you very trustworthy.

PROFESSOR VENGEANCE

Model steam train
- Idol of Thomas the Destroyer - A model of Thomas the Tank Engine, infused with enough Satanic energy to do some severe damage to the world. While holding this item the owner is entirely immune to the effects of any non-holy fire. Ownership will also gradually give the owner further demonic properties - increased toughness, strength and speed.

13 black roulette
- 13 Black 2099 - The robot wars veteran continues to exist in the year 2099. Now fully sentient and supported by hovering technology, and using microcarbon fibre armour allowing it to be incredibly resistant to damage.

Wiimote
- The Wiimote of Nintendonite - The Nintrendonite was a medium level supervillain who loved all things Nintendo, and had a good career, managing to stay in the level of successful but not enough to attract Anti-heroes who might want to murder him. One of his signature weapons was this customized Wiimote which functioned as a high power levitation device - capable of lifting up to 20 tons at a time by merely pointing at the required object and pressing A.

So bad it's good movie
- The Axiomatic DVD - For some reason this DVD of Happy Feet has been infused with great good from the tears of saints and from the putrid slime of the Great Ancient ones, functioning as an item that any supernatural being of any end of the spectrum finds repugnant to be around, repelling any sub-sentient creatures and making any more intelligent ones need to vomit in its presence.

Silver age comic book
- A Collection of Silver-Age Comicbooks - A limited edition of pure silver of Silver Surfer #1. No magical properties, but worth a good amount of money.

Malteasers
- An Infinite Pouch of Malteasers - A small packet of malteasers that is always half full, no matter how many you eat.

Bonzo dog doodah band discography
- Bonzo dog doodah band discography - A pan dimensional compilation album, that uses a microportal to allow access to any song they ever produced in the multiverse. The technology that allows that to be done is now illegal due to ease of modification which allowed for some elaborate fraud schemes. This must be one of the last of the old versions of this technology in existence.

[NWOWWE]

"There is a certain prototype of a rival company of ours whose technology we would be very interested in acquiring - the Phoenix engine - but it's owner, one Ms Triablos has rebuffed our more than reasonable offers. Perhaps as hired consultants you might have a bit better luck "persuading" her and getting that item into our possession. I will send you all information you need once you leave this place.

Gaunt turned over this information in his head for a few moments. On one hand this seemed to be a big step in the right direction. It seemed very likely that this Phoenix engine could be a vital piece of the puzzle for what was going on. Even if it wasn't, obtaining it would get him in with the higher-ups at PTT. But on the other hand there was just something about the way O.T. Hedgehog had stressed "persuade" wasn't there? Yes, it seemed there was a high chance things could turn nasty in a hurry and that wasn't much to Gaunt's liking. Well, not when he would be personally involved anyway. All the same, from what he knew of his group he'd probably be the best suited for this kind of task anyway.

"Very well. I shall speak with this Ms. Triablos and convince her to part with that engine."

Gaunt then turned and left the room.

[kodster]

Bored from waiting, Eudial got out her musical instrument (the pungi) again and began to play.

[NFX]

Now that Twitch had his three choices - the wing polymer, the flash bombs, and the invisibility thing of that guy - he placed them in his bag of holding, taking special care with the ragged-looking spell. He did want to try out the steel wing stuff, but since everyone else was busy with their own things, he decided it could wait. The macaw instead flew over to Eudial, bag in beak, and landed alongside her, watching as she played.

[playzooki]

"13 black roulette and Growing ray"

[kodster]

Eudial took no outward notice of the macaw and continued playing.

(OOC: You wouldn't either if you were concentrating on belting forth a tune. :P)