Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

[pcbore]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

If its that big, then the cat can easily just claw through the eye socket and into the brain.

Against George, Pickachu will use his electricity to power up a cooling device, then throw it at him. Well, we all know what happens when the sh1t hits the fan

[dogbot4000]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

I think pikachus going to go through.

[alex_holt]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

In another change to what was advertised, this round will not be based upon time, but each contestant will be scored upon how well they manage to deal with the opponent.

Now for the round that is numbered five, and dark terrors await the remaining champions, despite whatever they feel€¦this round will not serve many well€¦


Pussycat vs. Sigmarian
Mara Jade vs. Sally the Battle hour Champion
Pikachu vs. George
Wootinator vs. Carlos and Miguel
Duck vs. The Squirrels
Mars Bar vs. The Party Animal
Ivo Robotnik vs. Oaky Doak
Thomas the Tank Engine vs. Popcorn Dragons
Prof. Vengeance vs. Lord Doomforall
Golden Monkey vs. Razor-hawk

Pussycat vs. Sigmarian

The cat is back, stalking quietly through the shadows, the new arena is a giant bowl of stone, a huge ancient crater of dark menace long past. It€™s balck fur hiding it in the dappled light, and the cat glimpses a shape far above it whirling through the air, a vast vulture to the pain of others, circling until it deems it time to wait.
The cat saunters along, its adamant claws sheathed but tense, ready to be unleashed in an instant, then, finding a small alcove it ducks into it, preparing for the inevitable onslaught.
Far above, drifting through clouds flies the ancient beyond reckoning dragon known by the name of Sigmarian: last of the Grey dragons€¦ He is vast in size, his skin several inches thick of the darkest steely plate. Despite his terrible form, where his true might lies is within his mind: he possesses powers of precognitive, able to see alternate futures that could come to be. He sees in his dark reptilian eyes where the cat will emerge from, and folds his vast creased wigns against his armoured torso, he plummets to the ground. The down draft of his wings tears up the dry dusty soil beneath him, and his feet press deeply into the scrub€¦ His skin so tough as barely feels it. Suddenly, the cat launches itself off the cliff face that surrounds the arena floor and impacts the side of the huge dragon€™s horned head, hooking its adamant claws around the scales, and pressing into the softer scales around the ear hole, before tearing at the opening itself. Rending the flesh around the lobe the dragon thrashes madly to loosen the feline, who is hurled across the deep stone bowl, but lands on its feet, catching the rock in its adamant claws. A heavy beat down with Sigmarian€™s wings blasts the cat back again, as I yowls in frustration and leaps forward, but the unfortunate cat is caught in a blast of fiery rage from the precognitive dragon€™s maw, and is incinerated.

+100 points for survival time
+750 points for attack success
+200 for outsmarting
+400 points for aggression

Cat: 1450 points


Mara Jade vs. Sally the Battle hour Champion

Sally begins to warm up, her movements are fluid, each flowing int the next with amazing speed, her almost supernaturally thin form bending like a willow twig in the wind, matching away, as the Jedi leaps towards her with a huge burst of force expenditure. Sally whirls in serene balletic twist around the push, landing in a sharp angular pose. The Lightsaber buzzes into life in the hands of the Jedi, the force rippling through its movements€¦ The very slender girl spins around, and with unerring speed knocks the hands of the Jedi in such a way that they spin open, easily avoiding the comparatively clumsy thrust of the laser sword. Mara Jade gasps in pain as a perfectly balanced foot hits her beneath the chin, sending her soaring backwards, landing with catlike agility she recovers her poise. Sally draws her clarinet, and whirls in a sharp arc, the Jedi just dodges, but even so the movement just becomes a low swoop and the instrument cuts across tearing the hair of the Jedi. The Jedi€™s force augmented movement whirl with uncanny agility, but even so the flurry of blows preformed serenely knock her back to the floor once more, with heavy blows across the chest. Sally draws a long silk veil from her clothing, red in colour, with silver dashes, something is not right€¦and then as Sally whips it across Mara€™s chest she realises: the Silver dashes are razor sharp scales of metal and her chest is slashed across hundreds of times. A second view lashes across, and then within a twist wraps around her torso in an unerringly tight grip, Sally€™s dance becomes more violent, as she arc€™s backwards, slamming her foe onto her head behind her before lashing across her face with another veil. The blood loss is increasing and a final elegant slash brings Mara to the floor in a pool of blood.

+150 points for survival time
+200 points for successful defence
+100 points for aggression
+50 points for style

Cat: 1450 points
Mara Jade: 500 points

Pikachu and Muttly vs. George

The new Dastardly duo prepare to attack their frankly stinking nemesis, Muttly picks Pikachu up into the air, ready to unleash an aerial bombardment of thunder into the Poo-boy. The electricity hits the disgusting creature, but does nothing, any similarly, Pikachu is unable to find such a fan as can be used for this circumstance.
The form of George stretches out, his arms writhing in there excrement filled hatred, it plucks the duo out of the air in a disgusting umber mush. It wraps tendrils of semi digested horror around them, their doom is imminent, they are gradually swallowed up by the devastating layer of grime, filling them with horror as they are metamorphosised into more of the same€¦

+150 points for aggression
+50 points for plan of attack

Cat: 1450 points
Mara Jade: 500 points
Pikachu: 200 points

Wootinator vs. Carlos and Miguel

The FRA€™s official fourth villain lines up against the pair, their heavily muscled torso€™s gleaming in the reflected light of the stadium as their oil doused bodies gleam. Then they begin to laugh heartily, noticing the decidedly unmuscled form of the Wootinator in the opposite corner.
Suddenly, quicker than he could have imagined Carlos and Miguel, dash forward, grabbing each arm, slam the Wootinator down onto a bench press, he tries to lift, but he realises each side is several tonnes worth of weight: he diffuses caffeine into his blood to help him, yet he still feels the muscles tear as the weight is gradually lifted. Carlos and Miguel look at each other surprised, and then move the Wootinator on, forcing him to do progressively harder and more suggestive exercises, he feels the muscles building within him, becoming taught to the point of ridicule. He feels the fire burning within him, as the caffeine fills his capillaries, his form bulking up with his super powered might, suddenly he looked up, as he realised he had no coffee left in his canisters. But as he rose he looked into the mirror of Carlos and Miguel€™s custom gym to see a completely unfamiliar figure. Ridiculously muscled, and with a dark skin, previously unknown, and then he realised his blood itself had become coffee, granting him near unlimited endurance and massive strength. Carlos and Miguel came to pat him on the back for transforming himself into such a being: but he twisted round with his new found cat like reflexes and blasted a jet of scalding coffee into the duo€™s chest from each wrist. This unfortunately just annoys them, and cleans of a few layers of what has essentially become flesh laquer. They proceed to beat him up a little before leaving him dazed outside their palatial mansion, surrounded by eerily familiar statues of heavily muscled male figures. The Wootinator is sickened and slightly embarrassed by these paragons of manliness and flees the arena.

+700 Self Improvement
+100 Attack

Cat: 1450 points
Wootinator: 700 points
Mara Jade: 500 points
Pikachu: 200 points


Duck vs. The Squirrels

An eternal battle between enemies who can never be reconciled: ducks and squirrels rage an eternal war for domination over the planet. Behold for Pondweed Goosewing, prince amoung duck€™s stands before ye, and Lo€™, for he quacs with the thunder of a tempest, and yonder, Peepinjay Nutcatcher, prince of the squirrels stand ready for this last great duel, and behind each an armies of thousands stretch of into the horizons€¦
The squirrels leap forward with amazing speed, coating the ducks in a massive biting furry mass, squealing, the duck€™s take to the air dropping squirrels to the death, and in the centre of the battlefield, the princes royal of each nation do battle for their species. The duck pecks the squirrel sharply and suddenly causing the rodent to squeak in pain, but it grabs down on the head of the foe, grappling with its tree climbing claws, rending into the avian flesh. The duck squawks in anguish and throws its foe from it€™s back, and then lunges while its tree living opponent is off balance, however, the duck is knocked off course by a leaping red squirrel, impacting hard into its ribs, knocking the creature full on into the fray, where it is torn apart.

+300 Agression

Cat: 1450 points
Wootinator: 700 points
Mara Jade: 500 points
Duck: 300 points
Pikachu: 200 points


Mars Bar vs. The Party Animal

The Mars Lawyer€™s are stuck, they have no way to sue either of the joint creators of this beast, as it€™s an original creation. The only thing they seem to be able to do is throw the book at it, the heavy rule book impacting hard into the flank of the animal, knocking it off the face of one younger lawyer it had caught. Even as the creature jumps at the next creature the managing director of the Mars corporation sees the last Alternative - when he copyrighted the name, he got all uses of the word. Then he grabbed a bar of his chocolate and thrust it hard into the air, and a burning red aura surrounded him, even as another lawyer had his head torn off. But where the previously tubby Managing director had stood now stood an all together different figure: Mars: the Roman of War! His fierce face held a spear, and his form was covered in red stainined brass armour and a tall plumed helmet. He launched himself at the party animal, which had cornered several marketing directors in a corner, the party animal bellowed, and swiped down with its long claws, splintering the spear. Mars grapples the creaure under his arm, the claws deflecting off the thick plate armour, but suddenly it bucks him off, Mars materialises two more spears: one in each hand, and then they ignite in a divine fire which coruses their length. He whirs, but the creature is too fast, and it dives towards the remains of the New Years party, gorging itself upon them, and then, instead of the badger sized animal it had previously been it takes on bear like proportions€¦
The creature swings its claws further, fuelled by bestial rage and endurance increased by living in a habitat where Steps and S-Club 7 are part of the normal background noises. It pieces the incarnation of Mar€™s chest, before a powerful swipe slashes slams the helmeted head of the War god into the side of the Office.
Then, with little further ado the creature proceeds to gobble up the Mars Bar that begun this mess.

+200 for time
+100 For counter-attack
+100 for self improvement

Cat: 1450 points
Wootinator: 700 points
Mara Jade: 500 points
Mars Bars: 400 points
Duck: 300 points
Pikachu: 200 points



Now the fight that you€™ve all been waiting for, including me, hence its reordering€¦
Prof. Vengeance vs. Lord Doomforall

The two foes line up before each other, their might flowing through them in a dark wave of power. They stand still as stone, waiting for the first move. Then the professor thrusts his cane into the air, then along its length a thousand chaos emeralds flare into life, whiting out the area for an instant, before the professor is revealed, his form glowing with glowing mystic armour. His cape billows behind him in spectacular menace, the inside of it a deep wine red and the black satin sheen of the outside glinting in the pale light of the stadium, and still Doomforall remain still. He raises his hand to waist height, then shapes his hand is a cylinder, from between his fingers tendrils of smoke emerge, gently twisting in the breeze, twisting and spiralling in a column, as if inside a hidden tube, until they fill the form, and the rift staff is held in the hand. Even as the rift staff forms the slender jewel studded cane of the Professor illuminates with brilliant green light along its length, throbbing with unimaginable power. Doomforall stands steady, then, before normal eyes could comprehend the Professor whirls his staff in a figure of eight, arcing so quickly that it become a blur in his hands, blindingly fast it whirs until the area before him just seems to become to become a small green sun, throbbing with more energy than could be comprehended. Then suddenly a vast beam on unimaginable power blasts towards Doomforall impacting him full on in the chest, blasting him backwards through the air, his trench coat flailing in the air, he coils like a panther mid air, and lands on three splayed fingers and his hind legs, his clothing smouldering gently even as the rift staff seems to burn in its blackness still darker than previously. Even as he flips to his feet the Professor leaps forward with vast might, leaping thirty of so metres in a single bound, but before he reaches his dread foe the black staff impacts the ground, and around the lord a huge force wave blasting the surrounding s with a huge blast of force, the professor is hurled backwards before he reaches the ground, but twists in mid air and disapperates in a burst of red smoke, which coils and diffuses to nothingness in the place where he once was. Even as Doomforall spins round to see where his villainous foe has gone, the Professor drops down, his jacket tail flailing behind him , and he dices down with his cane, which forms a sword like field of translucent energy around its elegant form and dashes downwards, only as Doomforall whips round backhanded and parries the cane with the staff, blasting a shower of scarlet sparks across the air. Doomforall trench coat winds through the air in the ferocious flurry of the staff, leaving a dark throbbing buzz in its trail as the air it hits burns out of existence with the speed it moves. Yet hard parries from the Professor keep the dread Lord at bay, though the unrelenting fury of Doomforall€™s attacks doesn€™t give him time to attack back himself. But even as Vengeance twists around and attack his left hand leaves the cane and blasts a quick orb of electricity into the dread Lord. The Lord is stunned for an instant, allowing the Professor to blast a heavy telekinetic impact into the Lord, sending him hurtling backwards, sailing into a hard stone arena side, cracking and splintering the deep stone with a heavy thud. Doomforall drops forward onto his feet, and then whips his left hand down to his side, and then slashes across ahead of him, sending an arc of devastating orbs of writhing shadow towards his foe. The sword-cane whirs upwards deflecting the rift-orbs with ease, sending them burning into the sky and earth, continuing until they consume themselves.
Even as the deflection is still going on, Doomforall leaps forward with astounding force, his feet tucked beneath him, and the rift staff held down, and then pressed into the ground, he vaults off it, rolling over it, sending his feet into the chest of his foe, knocking him to the floor. He plunges the staff down, but Vengeance rolls to the side, the staff striking deep into the earth, while Vengeance twisted across, with his feet, catching Doomforall and tripping him over allowing the green aura sword-cane to be thrust up in full force through Doomforall€™s chest, and even as this happened the rift staff seemed to shatter into a thousand pieces of smoke and diffuse apart in the air. Vengeance hung there for a minute, the heavy form of the Lord rested upon the cane. The black orbs of Doomforall€™s eyes seemed to stare into Vengeances eyes for an instant, wrenching his soul, but more frightening, was the slight smile upon the face of the stricken Lord. With fear Vengeance channelled a powerful blast of energy down the length of the cane, and the area whited out, even as Doomforall€™s body was annihilated€¦
But even as the light subsided, where the Lord had been was a featureless figure of pure white light, the sword still protruding through it, the figure twisted its blank light face towards the Lord, and then an incredible heat crawled down the shimmering length of the cane, until Vengeance could no longer hold onto it, and he let go, clutching his burning hand, and gasping in pain, as his cane burnt from end to end out of existence, fizzling like the length of a sparkler. When it was gone the figure turned its attention once more to the figure of Vengeance, cradling his hand in pain. Then the aura around Doomforall began to throb, the light building in intensity, until suddenly the full power detonated from the form, his form suspended in the air, back wrenched back as far as it would go, hands outstretched and arms taught with power, as the full force of the cosmos was exuded from a single being, annihilating the Professor in the blink of an eye, and all the surroundings in an infinitesimal discharge of energy as every colour was blurred past in an amazing blur until the whole view was consumed in this and nothing could be seen. The matter and energy cleared, and where it had been stood a form of blackness, a sculpture of ash, crouched upon the floor. But even as onlookers stared in disbelief the ash seemed to mould in itself, the air seemed to be drawn into it and the surface seemed to writhe in torment, like a tempestuous ocean of flesh, until once more, a human form, in a tattered trench coat and scruffy other clothes kneeled and bent over, and then standing up, the face of Lord Doomforall looked coldly with his ebony eyes into the distance and the wraith like coils of smoke that formed the rift staff once more billowed from his hand in their long coils.

+21100 for aggression
+10000 for fatal blow
+780 for recovery
+800 for survival time

Professor Vengeance: 32680 points
Cat: 1450 points
Wootinator: 700 points
Mara Jade: 500 points
Mars Bars: 400 points
Duck: 300 points
Pikachu: 200 points

Still coming:

Ivo Robotnik vs. Oaky Doak
Thomas the Tank Engine vs. Popcorn Dragons
Golden Monkey vs. Razor-hawk

[siphai]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

Prof. Vengeance has lost this.

[alex_holt]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

And now, in a startling new way of working: I€™m actually going to get this round finished within a month of starting it!

Ivo Robotnik vs. Oaky Doak

Man against nature, the ultimate battle in which there never really is a winner, for every tree cut down, more mice get into your house and gnaw up stuff in the loft, maintaining a strange misbalance whereby nature still comes out worse. But a dark woodland sprite from the deep past has emerged, a Dark God of the woods, his power is dark and menacing, and the time of Waning is over, and now his powers wax to a dark menace, and around him, the wood thickens, light doesn€™t reach the floor, and the menace surrounding the place grows.

Yet into the gloom strides a man in Red, his form compounding layers of thick metal plating onto his flesh - a man who believes technology to be the way forward. In his calloused hands he holds his latest invention - a rip blade, a serrated blade which generates reciprocating movements capable of shredding anything. The Master of Robotics charges into the dread tangle, hacking with the blade, dicing away vines, but the vines seem to come alive with dark magic, grasping the form of the Doctor, but he activates his power armour, and around him a thick layer of heavy armour grasps his form, and then with a buzzing sound spikes protrude and the whole form crackles with electricity, the vines spin backward, shrieking somehow in their dark form.

Robotnik wades in deeper through the vast thicket, his rip blade whirring in a wide arc, tearing through the vines, and then, a far cry from his appearance in public, he is far closer to a humanoid oak - dark strand of energy erupting from him and weaving into the surrounding forest. But even as he raises his rip blade to finish the dark lord of the woods vines lash out, and divide inside him, draining his bodily fluids with horrifying speed, leaving but a dry husk of Robotnik upon the floor€¦

+200 for Innovation
+150 for Aggression
+50 for survival time

Professor Vengeance: 32680 points
Cat: 1450 points
Wootinator: 700 points
Mara Jade: 500 points
Dr Robotnik 400 points
Mars Bars: 400 points
Duck: 300 points
Pikachu: 200 points

Thomas the Tank Engine vs. Popcorn Dragons

The former antichrist limber€™s up for this epic confrontation, coal fills his boiler and the great metal beast begins to accelerate along the rails, his great power churning up, and then he impacts a scouting trio of popcorn dragons, squelching their tiny forms in a shower of popcorn - or has he? The popcorn dragons have literally €˜popped€™ - a form of teleportation which leaves a few pieces of popcorn behind where they once where.
Then, all of a sudden the popcorn dragons are all over him, with a vast flurry of €˜pops€™ as they appear in existence, blasting Thomas with white hot jets of popcorn, singing the carpets in the carriages, worse still, the sweet popcorn gets stuck to the floor. This proves dangerous, as Thomas is forced to hire more cleaning staff to offset the lost costs of replacing carpet. Furthermroe the passengers are tormented by the indestructible little dragonss, it burns their flesh with jets of popcorn, and pop in and out of existence without stopping, making them a nuisance, but a permanent one. Even the armed guard Thomas hires are no avail, as sweet popcorn syrup clogs their weapons. Eventually Thomas finds it too expensive to be run, and shuts down. Engineers however extract his mechanical brain and implant it into a steam powered tank, which was, possessed by the spirit of a minor God: to be exact the god of Sloths and toenail clippings you find on the carpet, and therefore gains a small bit of his power back.

+100 for aggression
+300 for self improvement
+1000 for time

Professor Vengeance: 32680 points
Cat: 1450 points
Thomas the Tank Engine: 1400 points
Wootinator: 700 points
Mara Jade: 500 points
Dr Robotnik 400 points
Mars Bars: 400 points
Duck: 300 points
Pikachu: 200 points


Golden Monkey vs. Razor-hawk

The golden monkey sits upon the pedestal in the centre of the really complex and heavily trapped temple complex, normally he would run away, but with super human senses, agility, practical invulnerability and a lot of sharp claws it probably wouldn€™t hold of razor-hawk for long. Therefore he€™s sitting in the trap and monster laden dungeon awaiting the battle, and he has one plan should she get through all of it.

Razor hawk glides on titanium wings through the temple, pit pall traps hold nothing for her, and the vast dinosaur that guards the first passage holds no problems for her, she drops upon its face and slashes deep in a dread attack, severing it jugular and letting its corpse slump lifelessly to the floor. She leaps across the deep ravine with the rickety bridge, her legs moving like springs and her metallic claws dig deep onto the rocks of the opposing face. As she moves down a passage a rumbling is heard behind her and she twists with inhuman speed, spines springing from every point along her arm, and them themselves unfurling into steel feathers, the boulder hits against them and impacts: splitting the boulder into a thousand pieces. The scent of the monkey is strong, in fact so strong, she whirls her wing-arm into the wall next to her and the monkey shrieks as it finds her creating her own entrance, as blades cut deep into rock. The monkey bolts for his last resort: a small burrow in the ground, however a single stomp from razor hawk caves in the entrance to the burrow and leaves the monkey with a limited supply of air€¦

+400 for defensive strategy
+50 for aggression

As such our final results are:

Professor Vengeance: 32680 points
Cat: 1450 points
Thomas the Tank Engine: 1400 points
Wootinator: 700 points
Mara Jade: 500 points
Golden monkey: 450 points
Dr Robotnik 400 points
Mars Bars: 400 points
Duck: 300 points
Pikachu: 200 points


Therefore we have to unfortunately say good by to duck and pikachu, as they are released into the wolf pit of losing (not a metaphor) and thus we continue onto the semi finals and round 6!

And now after these brutal elimination rounds we are back to the melees: here are the semi finals, where great legends will be wrought, and marmite will be spread very thinly. Only my whim stands between victory and utter failure!

Dr Robotnik vs. Wootinator
Professor Vengeance vs. Mars Bar
Cat vs. Thomas the Tank engine
Golden Monkey vs. Mara Jade

[dogbot4000]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

Dr robotnik
Professor vengeance
Thomas the tank engine
and Mara jade will win.

[darkguru]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

That darned Monkey has taken down two of my characters and has done neither by himself, the kid gloves are off, quick, brutal and bloody will be his death if Mara has to use the dark side to get the job done.

[alex_holt]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

Incidentally: is this now the first tournament to be running in 3 different years?

[alex_holt]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

And now mortals, behold, for I give unto ye the round that comes 6th€¦


Dr Robotnik vs. Wootinator

Two villains, only one winner, Robotnik€™s body writhes as he activates his technologies, his flesh is replaced by steel which coils before the eyes of the Wootinator, turning the former megalomaniac into almost unstoppable force. Even as he does so coffee enters directly into the veins of the Wootinator, his oiled body becoming brown as the coffee. Robotnik launches himself upon the Wootinator, trying to grab him, but his heavily oiled body is too slippery to grasp, and his taught coils of writhing steel grasp futile, their chords roll off pathetically, leaving smears of grease upon his fingers. The Wootinator whirls round and blasts Robotnik backward, and like spilled coffee on a keyboard, the results aren€™t pretty, and it€™ll be simpler to get a knew one, as his robotic coils short circuit and Robotnik is left for dead.

Wootinator Advances to the Final!


Professor Vengeance vs. Mars Bar

Vengeance whirls his cape dramatically, as the lawyers hunt him down, and throw legal precedents at him. To be honest he is slightly confused, you don€™t sue dark Lord€™s is doesn€™t work like that, Dark Lord€™s don€™t do legal procedure, that€™s mob-moss territory, and that€™s quite a few rungs down the dastardly hierarchy. While Vengeance throw rules regulations and the odd brief case at him, all bellowing him down, he is actually some what perturbed, they all look so intelligent and educated, and their suits are all smart. He suddenly realises that the lawyer aura is getting to him, he could match Lord Doomforall a load of whining lawyers are no match for him! He blasts a chaos beam into the nearest one hurling him into a pillar which he cracks, the body then slumps to the floor and collapses into dust. The lawyers begin to run, snorting legal jargon at each other, but the rays knock them all down, disintegrating their pathetic flesh. Then he picks up the mars bar, and eats it as only a Scotsman knows how: batters it and eats it whole.

Professor Vengeance Advances through to the final!


Cat vs. Thomas the Tank engine

The adamant claws extend out from between the soft pads of the cat, ready to deal with the former anti-christ, the claws protrude and rip into the iron panels on the side of the train. But the godly power surges along his new- tank-like form, warping it into something more reminiscent of his former glory, steel grinds and twists, and his form shifts with screeching beyond comparison. The new Thomas unloads an artillery shell from his rear mounted turret directly into the chest of the cat, it is slammed backwards into a brick wall, shattering t with feline rage. The cat twist down onto the floor, enraged with the fury that only a cat can have, its fur singed but its eyes glowing with red fury, and suddenly it is not the old cat that stands before it, but something even worse, it grows huge, to the size of a tiger, yet remains worse in that it is still most defiantly a cat - muscles twist with power beneath its singed form, its teeth extend into adamantium sabres, and the new vessel of the anti-Christ advances upon the old form. The artillery cannon blasts out again, bouncing off the cat harmlessly. The power of evil itself writhes beneath the skin of the creature, and a single swipe pierces through the steel of the tank, and guts it of its right tracks, incapacitating it utterly. Futily Thomas summons sloths and toenail clippings to attack the cat, but the sloths just drop from the sky and die from the impact with the ground. The cat shrugs and then precedes to lift its paw ready for the final blow, and suddenly notices a mouse run across the corner, it must have got in as Lord Doomforall never paid for maintenance, just construction, and its been around for ages. But more importantly, the cat feels no desire to catch it, and then in a sudden moment of fury, it realises that the anti-christ has been playing it, and was gradually owning his soul. Without further hesitating the cat coughs up a hairball in the most violent way possible, but instead of normal hair it is a small circular goblin like creature, covered in course hair, it squeals as loud as it possibly can but all the might of hell will not save it now as it is dismembered and presented to Frank. Meanwhile all its blood seeps into the cat, and its might absorbed. The last blow of the cats metal claws tears through the side of Thomas, pulling his still chugging steam engine out into the daylight.

Cat advances to the final!

Golden Monkey vs. Mara Jade

Mara flares her Lightsaber up, but realises that cursed monkey is fleeing as fast as it possibly can into the nearest forest. She pursues, with force speed, but everyone knows catching a small animal is just short of impossible and thus the small primate quickly becomes lost among the trees. The winds storm through the bows, and before Mara Jade emerges an entirely different being, the golden monkey glows, its aura brilliant against the gloomy forest, and suddenly a tribe attacks Mara Jade - their tools are no match for her Lightsaber, but eventually they just overwealm her with numbers, her body pierced with dozens of arrows, and she drops to the floor lifeless. The monkey actually discovered its purpose, it was a rather lame sun god, and thus it can command some people, and do some mild weather effects.

The golden Monkey advances to the Finals!

Finals:

Professor Vengeance vs. The Wootinator
Cat vs. Golden Monkey

[steven_mcg]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

Huzzah and hurrah! More divine surrealness from his Lordship.

SEMI-FINALS
PROFESSOR VENGEANCE VS The Wootinator

Battle of the Forum SuperVillains, eh? Well, the Wootinators come on a fair bit recently, but hes still the junior member of our little League of Evil. Set the cane to Freeze Ray and turn every caffine product AJ has into solid ice. Hell be an easy target when all he has to power him is cold coffee.
If for some reason this doesnt work, Ill summon a Starbucks lawyer with my Portable Teleporter and have him turn the Wootinator into a particularly evil coffee shop. Its what AJ wouldve wanted. :wink:

[andrewj]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

It just had to be didnt it? :P

Well the Prof is forgetting coffee is hot so his little freezing stick is pretty useless. :wink: Im thinking of just bombarding him with the coffee cannon until the old vetran falls to his feet. After that I think Ill drop some cows on him and a few thousand tonnes of sugar.

Great stuff so far Alex.

[alex_holt]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

Now, as fire rains from the sky, droughts plague the world of men, four combatant face the final leg of their epic battle, immense suffering and plenty of needless deaths have occurred thus far, but who, in this final battle of champions will get to claim responsibility for this carnage?

Professor Vengeance vs. The Wootinator

Two incredible warriors, between them enough force to destroy worlds, their mere presence in the same room causes crackling energy to leap between the two, this much might concentrated into a single space can only result in suffering for one. To the left, perched at the point of a great crag as the storm billows his impressive waterproof opera cape in the wind, stand professor vengeance, bolts of lightening silhouette his dark figure against the tempestuous sky, his face glowing with pallid green energy from the chaos emeralds at the tip of his cane.
Far below a small man sits drinking coffee from an endless flask, it fills his veins, glorious caffeine running through every fibre of his being granting him unparalleled physical power.
The power crackles from around them, arching into the earth - the two bodies not enough to contain the unparalleled might between them, and lightening strikes both to little effect, nature not strong enough to harm either of these Gods-among men. Vengeance whirls his right fist down, blasting a concussive beam of crimson light towards the small camp that the Wootinator has constructed, eternal fire washing down with unsurpassable fury. But Caffeine fills the very soul itself in the Wootinator, so concentrated in his bloodstream that his red blood cells have warped into coffee bean shapes. He is so full of caffeine that time moves at a millionth of its pace for him, but even more so coffee has penetrated his temporal lobe, and has actual made him so energetic it has forced his consciousness out of one set time, and thus the Wootinator has five minutes worth of precognition, added onto this super human speed and strength, and even before the devastating Chaos beam hits his camp, the power of the Wootinator powers him up the near vertical crag, he leaps with inhuman ability, his hands grasping onto every ledge, and before even Vengeance can counter this sudden burst of power, a sudden unexpected blow impacts into his cane sending the beam wide before the cane itself sails helplessly down in the crevasse.
Vengeance himself suddenly stands shocked, but then glares down at the younger lord, before with a melodramatic twist grasps a small vial of clear fluid from a pocket placed flat against the side innately pressed costume. Into the vial he drops a small blue spine, and with a sudden burst of azure smoke the potion turns a brilliant blue, and without pausing for thought he arcs the vial up into his mouth.
The Professor€™s skin glows with blue light for an instant, and then he launches himself at the Wootinator, and to his horror the Wootinator realises that Vengeance has aquired speed that matches his own. Vengeance suddenly roared a loud and blasted power from his hands, creating a vast sonic boom, the force of which hurled the Wootinator from the crag. He plummeted down so quickly even he couldn€™t keep up, but within an inch of the ground his form burst into brown coffee scented steam which dispersed and then reformed back atop the crag behind Vengeance. The Professor coiled like a panther, twisting towards the foe and erupting forth a techi-coloured beam of light from his hands even as a beam of thousand times espresso so black that it seemed to draw from the rift itself, light and darkness collided with unbelievable power, the beams widened, matching each other with enough force, and in the centre of these beams the fabric of worlds was torn asunder, and the rift began to creep in through the gaps, permeating the two sides, extending its tendrils. Even as this was so, both, being villains worked to break the deadlock. Each hurled towards their foe an item designed to end them, Vengeance threw a cup holding low quality Starbucks coffee, and Vengeance darts made from the quills of shadow the hedgehog. But the tendrils in the middle grasped out and caught both, and pulled them into itself, and as the rift melded with the two, before the feedback from this blasted the combatants backwards. Vengeance managed to return balance and however in the air, his coffee sodden cape billowing behind him, while the Coffee mist converged upon the ground once more to show the form of the Wootinator.
Where the beams had been meeting stood an abomination: both hedgehog and buck, both starry silver and shadowy black. It didn€™t escape either combatants notice that it was also fifty foot tall, and the crag crumbled beneath its titanic form, and the three ended up at the base of the hill. Before they could even react a barrage of shadowy spines shattered the chaos emeralds along the rift side of Vengeance€™s costume and a jet a watery Starbucks heavily diluted the Wootinators prize winning coffee.
Suddenly beams of brilliant silvery light jetted into both and they both felt their physical power being drawn into the monstrosity, they beast they had created was using them as living batteries, and Vengeance plummeted to the ground, powerless, screaming in agony even as the Wootinator€™s form shifted sporadically in and out of coffee form. The great resonating as the creature drained them was terrible, its muscles bulged and its strange sound had more than a hint of a laugh. The two most deadly villains in existence helpless, with all their former power in itself giving the monstrosity almost unending might.
Then a fourth voice boomed across the battlefield €˜Halt!€™. High above the darkness a figure hovered, wreathed in fire, it appeared as a scrawny boy in his late teens, he had scruffy hair, and a generally messy appearance, and was moderately tall at six foot one. It was what he held in his hands that caused the real attention however - for in them was a throbbing staff of blackness that radiated fear far more than the brilliant fire that surrounded him did. Lord Doomforall had come. The beast lunged at his, but the Lord merely raised a hand out and the beast was paralysed, fixed still in time. With surreal slowness and elegance, he merely smoothly lifted his hand upwards and with unimaginable telekinetic might the beast was hurled upwards through the atmosphere, but it continued to accelerate, far beyond the laws of physics should allow until it hurled through face as such velocities that its flesh was torn apart and the beast was obliterated entirely. The rift beast gone, Doomforall hurtled through the skies at supersonic speeds and soon crossed the horizon.
The two villains lay incapacitated from the floor, however the Wootinator finally appreciated the use in minions as several of Vengeance€™s robot scampered onto the battlefield and picked up the fallen lord, carrying him back to his base to recharge, where a third came and skewered the fallen Commander of Coffee through the head€¦.

Professor Vengeance advanced to the grand final

Still to come:
Cat vs. Golden Monkey

And the Final!

[alex_holt]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

Cat vs. Golden Monkey

The adamant claws lash out of the soft pads of the cat, but the monkey has a trick up its metaphorical sleeves, since the tribal people began to worship it as a god it infact became a god, and thus it has some pretty nasty tricks up its sleeves. On the other hand the cat holds the spirit of the anti-christ in its depths, and thus is the living vessel of dread infernal forces. But the monkey is a tad smarter than the raging feline, and using its divine might, summons some heavy snow. This dampens the Hellish magic, for the simple reason that metaphor suggests that a snowflake doesn€™t suit hell very well, conversely of course a little known fact is that snow completely inhibits the use of hellish magic, and thus the anti-christ is calmed. Now just to deal with the cat itself, cats are cool suave and sophisticated, they are also evil minded killing machines. This does not bode well for the cat as with the power of a god the golden monkey summons four mismatching roller-skates onto each of the cats deadly feet, furthermore being on ice the cat falls around gracelessly, stripping another layer of its power, flaying it from the soul, then charging its fist with energy it becomes magnetic and rips the adamant from the cats skeleton, leaving the mog thoroughly enraged - reduced to the state it began the first tournament - which just about puts the two competitors on level pegging, but the monkey has one last chance as the kitten launches itself at the jugular, it uses its connections in the various global pantheons and summons a new aquaintence itself into the eternal nemesis of cats - a giant dogod, but not any dogod - this is a Dogod of rain, and thus the cat caterwalls as it hurtles like a speeding rocket from the stadium leaving the gleaming monkey to go into the final.

The Champion has fallen! Golden Monkey moves onto the final!

The Play Off:
Wootinator vs. Pussycat

And the Final
PROFESSOR VENGEANCE VS. THE GOLDEN MONKEY

[alex_holt]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

And now as the final looms where stuff will happen for reasons only known to me, because I make it up and it doesn€™t really matter anyways. Random acts will happen to no particular effects, great people will fall over on the faces, and it will cause much mirth.

The Play Off:
Wootinator vs. Pussycat

Brief version: The cat beats Dr Robotnik in a deadly duel.

Full Version:
The Wootinator yells a great battle cry of €˜Woot!€™ and charges into battle, and, as promised, the first random event of the match occurs as he falls into a magic portal leading the land of the pixies where he saves a pixie queen from the gnome emporer, which he initially thinks is good before realising that pixies are hermaphroditic, and is therefore a bit sickened upon this discovery. He goes of adventuring for a few years, and is temporarily turned into a cod. This doesn€™t stay so for long however as he is caught in a magic fishing net and grants three wishes to a small boy who later becomes a prince, but meanwhile the Wootinator is turned back into his human(ish) form. This is actually quite superfluous to the plot, and is actually just filler material while I think of an actual plot. Anyways the Wootinator almost got married to the prince, but upon their wedding day he was stolen by the king of the harpies, and on the uneventful adventure to rescue to rescue his darling prince he fell into a portal leading back to three seconds before the whole story started, landing on top of himself. Meanwhile the cat had got bored as although it was still at the same point in time the cat has been contracted for the duration of the entire events, and therefore he set up a multi-billion dollar corporation selling limpets to squirrels. Of course the fact that the Wootinator arrived precisely three seconds before he fell into the portal is not the important thing - what is that the Wootinator arrived at 2000ft and a considerable speed, thus impacting heavily into his past self killing the pair of them, thus creating a paradox which results in the Wootinator being completely erased from existence. The cat lazes around for a bit chewing a squirrel sandwich. The Wootinator is erased from existence Robotnik therefore won his last round. Therefore came into the last four, where he was beaten in an epic battle with the cat involving a piano, a plate of marmalade and a three legged clown.

Robotnik is destroyed - Pussycat claims 3rd Place!

Now as we come to the conclusion: great amounts of time have been wasted, audiences have been mildly bored, and there have been lots of people graphically killed we reach the conclusion of this epic piece of rubbish.
PROFESSOR VENGEANCE VS. THE GOLDEN MONKEY

The monkey is quick off the mark, he was worked out a sure fire hit which makes his family love him-he€™s becoming a film producer - he films several hours worth of monkey dancing but puts individual frames of different combinations of people kissing to cover every possible audience, of course the film moves too fast to notice these frames and thus people find the film strangely watchable through the power of subliminal messaging despite all it seems to consist of is monkeys dancing.
This of course rakes in the money for the monkey and he winds all the Oscars, but this does actually have a point - a little known fact is that if anyone was ever to possess all the Oscars for a single year, they would gain the power of the golden man, and thus when he collects them, the monkey€™s golden related powers are amplified to a superhuman level. In its small paws appears a dagger of golden energy that glistens like the sun - it burns like a furnace and it whirls in a high arc. But Vengeance gets out his villainous press meeting at this point, and his cane lights up, for an instant, and then he blasts an emerald green beam of blazing energy towards his simian foe. The blazing sword, leeps forth fire, as golden light and simmering shadows clash in an epic confrontation, the two energies clashing with enough force to destroy worlds. This cannot be settled in real life though due the impracticalness of it all, we don€™t have a decent enough special effects budget to rebuild more than four universes per series, and therefore for the sake of continuality they both have mystic powers that enable them to battle on a psychic level. These powers have always been there throughout the tournament, they just haven€™t been used. If you disagree with me these big guys with heavy sticks standing behind me also agree with me. Anyways back on the psychic level, there is a lot of powerful effects which in summary approximately amount to a large €˜bang€™ theres lots of hurting and stuff at which will be summed up in a montage with the following scenes to some epic music.

Close up of each combatants eye looking angry
Some blow dodging each
The monkey deflecting a laser beam
Vengeance getting punched through a wall but then dodging to avoid a barrage of metal spikes
Both combatants happily hitting pi±atas
A clash of blades
The monkey leaping clear of an explosion
A high speed car chase involving giant lemmings
A gunfight on a cliff edge
A really quick cutting between facial expressions of anger and suffering

At the end of this neither are actually hurt in anyway, so we go into the interlude until I write the rest. So here, watch some dancing monkeys! Its surprisingly good!

[alex_holt]

Wars Incarnate II: The Weird Effect

*We conclude as the dancing monkeys faint from continuously dancing for about five days*

At the time both don€™t realise they€™re of and as the Professor is being massaged by a particularly muscular henchman while slurping a whisky and coke, while the golden monkey is sunbathing while slurping a banana juice. The battle commences once more, starting in the epic fashion of Vengeance hurling his drink in the eyes of the golden monkey. But the monkey slurps his own has a hidden agenda - for if anyone remembers Banana-man, he gains super powers from eating bananas, and thus in a direct copyright infringement the monkey gains yet more super powers, allowing him to be slightly stronger. He dashes with super-human speed and cracks Vengeances cane over his leg, and is blasted back hundreds of feet, as is his foe, by the raw force emitted from this singes the Professors near invulnerable cloak (and the magic involves turns various sections of it into, among other things, mozzarella, luminous fake leopard skin, copper and a rather irritable gerbil in a plastic ball. The monkey lands, its fur blackened but still smoking, and then the true depths of its plot is revealed. Vengeance stops suddenly as a generic delivery van appears beside him and hands him over a Segagamegear. He starts running it and there is a gmae in it (somehow functioning at next generation levels of power, but Vengeance doesn€™t notice this - it seems to combine all the best aspects that sell titles, its like all the best games rolled into one and ivolves killign celebrities, it just keeps on going. He barely looks away from the controller, which is exactly as the monkey desired, the cables penetrate the flesh of the megalomaniac, and drain his power from him. Suddenly he cannot support his existence in the astral plane, and his mind implodes, leaving him a babbling moron. The monkey was glad he hired the borg, and through an entirely unexplained plot twist he has taken the second series of the Wars Incarnate. Just as an extra note, our temporal technicians have found a bug whereby it seems that a competitor has erased himself from existence, but luckily we fixed it and thus the final rankings are as follows:

4th - The Wootinator
3rd - Cat
2nd - Professor Vengeance
1st - GOLDEN MONKEY

And thus we conclude this most long, pointless and silly tournament, I hope you enjoyed it more that I did writing it.

Thoughts? Comments? threats?