Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

[kodster]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Agh, really sorry, I have kind of an imagination block ATM. Dont worry, itll pass soon, and Ill have more fights up!

quote:

Take your time with them. We cant wait to see them.

Why would I take my time if you cant wait? Aint that a little contradictive?

[kodster]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Okay, one fight up for now!

Rocky Raccoon vs. Fifi LaFume

House fighters are Big Mac & Asterix.

A cartoony-style racing music ensues as the raccoon and skunk begin to speed around the arena, the raccoon desperately trying to evade the reach of the happy, purple skunk. The audience watches them running around with slight amusement, but after a little while they start to get nauseous and run off to throw up into a hallway which a sign displaying restroom had pointed to, and all of them fall out of a conveniently placed air lock hidden under the floor into the depths of space and freeze to death. Meanwhile, Rocky and Fifi are still in a rumble. Rocky decides to go on the offensive now and halts suddenly. He leaps backwards into Fifi and headbutts her into the ground. Fifi automatically releases her trademark...smell into the arena; fortunately, Asterix is wearing his nose plugs, Big Mac cant smell, and the audience is completely gone. Rocky however is desperately trying to hold his snout closed so that the odour cant penetrate into his brain; however his face is steadily getting redder and redder. Fifi takes the opportunity and tackle-hugs Rocky over, squeezing him extremely tightly. Rocky would be screaming in agony had he not been constricting his nasal passage and windpipe. Suddenly the head of Rocky pops off to reveal a plastic dummy of Rocky Raccoon, and Fifi raises an eyebrow confusedly. The real Rocky Raccoon was snickering behind a tree in the Boreal Plains forest when suddenly a large grizzly bear lands on him, squashing him flat. The grizzly bear wonders what he did to deserve being dropped from the sky.

Fifi LaFume advances to Round 2!

[leorcc]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Who are still in the competition? There are so many i lost track.

[kodster]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Okay, for Leos sake, Ill update the list:

Completed matches (the winner is in green and the loser is in red)

The Mad Hatter vs. Mike Tyson
Riff vs. Foxpig
Seong Mi-Na vs. Trogdor the Burninator
A bowl of custard vs. Evil Mighty Morphin Green Ranger
Zinedine Zidane vs. Mugen
XS3 vs. Bender
Chastity Dingle vs. Google
Monoxide vs. Dethklok
Ichigo Kurosaki vs. A giant radioactive harpischord
Pussycat vs. Red Dino Thunder Ranger
A box filled with miniture Steve Irwin and Evel Knievel clones vs. A goth who wields a tanto
A ninja vs. Myzery
Diotoir vs. Santa Claus
Ming Higurashi vs. A bat out of hell
Sociology vs. Beavis
Professor Vengeance vs. A half-eaten bacon sandwich
Slipknot vs. The most harmless, cute and innocent thing in the universe
A gold pocketwatch vs. The City Wok Owner
Rapier vs. Mini Fridge
Al Gore vs. Hammer Bro.
Tekkaman vs. Barney
Fighter vs. Danish cartoonist
Violent The Wraith J vs. Wild horses
A can of Barqs root beer vs. A jar of crab paste
Jamie Madrox vs. Talkie Toaster
Dr. Ivo Robotnik vs. PC
Barry the mutant cuckoo clock vs. Stewie Griffin
Full Metal Alchemist vs. Lordi
Los Angeles cheerleader vs. Cheese monster
Rusty nail vs. Michael Jackson
Lord Doomforall vs. Thomas the Tank Engine
ABK vs. Arael
Bun-Bun vs. A squinting teacher
Solaria Crystalwing & Nightwing vs. Ozzy Osbourne
Dark Magician vs. A Wiimote
Kenshiro vs. Jeffrey Nothing
A bobsleigh vs. Homer Simpson
Samus Aran vs. Sonic & Tails
13 vs. Hobbes
Evangelion Unit 1 vs. The Grim Reaper
Rose/Tardis Deity vs. Slappy Squirrel
Link vs. A giant ball of enraged leopards
A hippopotamus vs. Diamond Sparkle Super Pretzel
Shaggy 2 Dope vs. Kiki
9,000,000 Bicycles vs. Master Hand
Rocky Raccoon vs. Fifi LaFume

Still to come

Chuck Norris vs. Kurt Cobain
Frosty the Snowman vs. Blod
Jack the Ripper vs. Leliel
Shadehawk vs. Jumpsteady
St. Lucifer vs. Jushi Sentai France Five
Santa Claws vs. Major Tom
Squidward Tentacles vs. Johnny Gomez and Nick Diamond
Norbert the rabies infected cat vs. Blaze Ya Dead Homie
Rabies prawn vs. Black Mage
Daniel the Chaos Mole vs. A stingray
Raymundo vs. Mara Jade Skywalker
Cyberman Army vs. The fat guy from Boogie Nights
Pee Wee Herman vs. Crazy Frog
A pirate vs. Anti-Matter

Next fights up shortly.

[dinowarrior]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

So...the Hippopotamus vs Pretzel one had two winners?

[kodster]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Oops, made an error...

A hippopotamus vs. Diamond Sparkle Super Pretzel

[Guest]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Just to let you know, Im still alive. =P I just havent been on MSN cause my house burned down on the 24th and this dial-up here at the place Im staying is kind of a tool even though its the only chance of getting online Ive got. _

[pcbore]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Yowch, sorry to hear about that Mark. Hope everything works out.

[kodster]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Dude, that really sucks... I give my condolences. U_U

Maybe this will cheer you up...

Chuck Norris vs. Kurt Cobain

House fighters are Cortez & Exa-Gore-Ic.

Its Chuck Norris, the master of all that is martial arts, versus the drugged up, ready-to-scream-the-lyrics-to-Smells-Like-Teen-Spirit-in-your-face Kurt Cobain. The match begins with Cobain spitting in Norris face. Norris responds with a Mezentius Style karate chop to Cobains jaw. The audience is astounded: no one knew that Chuck Norris knew the ways of the Mezentius. Apparently, some other creatures who DID know the ways of the Mezentius didnt know that Chuck Norris was learnt in that style either, for suddenly hundreds of Lizardmen swarm Final Destination and lunge violently at Chuck Norris. Norris however beats the crap out of them without breaking a sweat, but they recover instantly and continue their assault. All of a sudden, Kurt Cobain gets an idea and starts to write lyrics to a song. A ten-ton weight falls on a random Klingon in the audience for no reason. Kody shoots the narrator for inputting that ridiculous filler scene -

===============SCENE CUT================

We return to the match, and a new narrator is narrating the match as Chuck Norris is still in fighting stance and the hundreds of Lizardmen are sprawled on the floor. Whats this?! The band members of Static-X have come up onto the arena platform and are beating Kurt Cobain senseless! Norris scratches his head as Static-X leave the arena and leave Kurt Cobain in a broken heap. Ah, this just in...all of you who wondered what the hell happened, Kurt Cobain began his solo which resulted in the Lizardmen keeling over for some reason, and then he named his solo Reptile...ah, that explains why Static-X came, because Kurt Cobain ripped off a song from their latest album. Anyway a great big hand comes up from above and snatches the pile of Kurt Cobain parts and brings it to the heavens...Anthony Politzi also scratches his head and wonders why Cobain wasnt sent to hell instead.

Chuck Norris advances to Round 2!

----

Frosty the Snowman vs. Blod

House fighters are Taki & The Sickness.

Frosty the Snowman assaults the superpower immediately, by launching a rather cold and fluffy white projectile at the face of the brother of God. The snowball however does little except anger Blod, who rains down thousands of thunderbolts onto the poor fairy-tale snowy creature. The lightnings join into one superbolt which strikes the hat of the snowman, but unbelieveably, the hat becomes a lightning rod, which swallows the lightning and protects Frosty from the intense heat of the negative charge. Frosty bounces forward and tackles Blod with his hat but the hat is held off and Frosty is shoved backwards by the infinite power of the being. Blod is about to summon a searing heat wave when Frosty offers to sing before Blod. Blod agrees to this but has no idea what is in store for him. Frosty suddenly emits a shrill, high-pitched wailing, this is extremely loud but more so due to Frosty imitating nails on chalkboard coupled with music from S Club 7. This atrocity is too much even for Blod to bear and he collapses forward, blockading his eardrums but the sound still finds its way in anyway. Even the house fighters are being pressurized here. The Sickness is changing colours rapidly, and spazzing out, and Taki is curled up in a ball, but nothing seems to halt the horrid noise that is being screeched from the evil snowman. Suddenly a piece of rubble falls on top of Frosty and squashes him flat. The squealing stops, fades, and dies, and everybody looks up to see where the rock came from. Wile E. Coyote shrugs, pulling out the leek thrust through his head via his ears, and climbs down off of the coniveniently placed crane beside the The Sickness.

Blod advances to Round 2!

----

Jack the Ripper vs. Leliel

House fighter is The Watcher.

Jack is cheesed off as he gnaws on a hunk of havarti. He never got to kill Clover from the second Wars Incarnate, and is too bitter to even think straight. He tosses a dart at a picture of her and it hits it straight in the head. So when Jack turns around, hes faced by Leliel, the twelfth Angel. The fight begins by Leliel opening up a portal or plothole to a sub-dimension, but Jack nimbly steps around it. Franks eyebrow twitches. Leliel then disappears under the arena, and Jack waits. About 0.001 seconds later, Leliel attacks from above from another plothole. Jack runs right over the plothole that Leliels rear end is still sticking out of, and Leliel comes into contact with herself. The result of this is a gigantic explosion that almost completely levels the entire arena, leaving but about 5 square metres of arena to walk on. This should have made Jack win but suddenly theres a yell from the audience. Its actually Clover, and shes here to get rid of Jack since Slammer beat Jack last time and not her. She tells Kody to put her in Leliels place but that if she wins, then he has to bring Leliel back and advance her. Kody agrees to this but severely handicaps Clover anyway just to see what happens. So Jack won the rather 18+ rated fight which Kody cant describe because of certain things. Lets just say there was...some blood. More like a lot of it. Kody chases Kane Aston from the scene with a wooden chair.

Jack the Ripper advances to Round 2!

Still to come:

Shadehawk vs. Jumpsteady
St. Lucifer vs. Jushi Sentai France Five
Santa Claws vs. Major Tom
Squidward Tentacles vs. Johnny Gomez and Nick Diamond
Norbert the rabies infected cat vs. Blaze Ya Dead Homie
Rabies prawn vs. Black Mage
Daniel the Chaos Mole vs. A stingray
Raymundo vs. Mara Jade Skywalker
Cyberman Army vs. The fat guy from Boogie Nights
Pee Wee Herman vs. Crazy Frog
A pirate vs. Anti-Matter

[kodster]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Shadehawk vs. Jumpsteady

House fighters are Cortez & The Sickness.

Shadehawk jumps forward with his trademark gun in hand, but Jumpsteady...er, jumps as well, and they butt heads. Butt-head comes onto the stage and says something about cliches but Frank releases the cat out of the bag, and unfortunately it mauls all three of them. While Butt-head stumbles and falls off the stage, the fight resumes, but is now much more one-sided since Shadehawk is now deprived of his gun that the cat fed to Alex Holts robotic panda from the previous Snow thread. Jumpsteady rams Shadehawk in the head again, and Shadehawk collapses immediately, almost snapping his vertebrae but just manages to stay in one piece; however Jumpsteady is already top of Shadehawk throwing the fists. Shadehawk suddenly lurches forward and placing both feet on Jumpsteadys midsection launches him into Cortez. Unfortunately for Cortez the impact was too great and he collapses in a pile of bones. More importantly, Jumpsteady is trapped in Cortezs rib cage and The Sickness travels over to Cortez and envelops Jumpsteady in toxic smoke. Ironically, the smoke turns to flames which smother Jumpsteady and, after a few minutes, reduce him to half a charred skeleton. Even Cortezs bones take a charring and he cant reform, and has to be rushed to a hospital...somewhere. Shadehawk is rather disturbed by this sight and decides to blow the joint and wait for his next fight.

Shadehawk advances to Round 2!

----

St. Lucifer vs. Jushi Sentai France Five

House fighters are Taki and Tira.

Thomas the Tank Engine enters the arena, wearing an evil grin. Lord DoomForAlls eyes narrow; he already defeated Thomas, what the bloody hell is going on? Suddenly, Thomas explodes to reveal the devil himself, red, horns, tail, and all. The Jushi Sentai France Five drop down from the sky and in front of the devil, who simply laughs at them. Even the laughing is painful, and the France Five drop to their knees in agony, the scorn and mirth of Satan ringing in their ears though they are shut. And obviously its St. Lucifer himself who makes the first move, torching the arena with a blast of hellfire from his hands. The France Five look up, and then nimbly dodge the fiery beam just in time. Lucifer growls and stomps the arena, sending the France Five over onto their backs. Then Lucifer grabs a very heavy object and prepares to smash the leader, Fromage, to pieces with it. Unfortunately for Lucifer, that object is the Eiffel Tower, and the France Five cant stand to see it in the hands of the anti-christ. They leap into action, and normally this would have been a very stupid thing to do but the circumstances are in the France Fives favour now. Lucifer feels the might of his fiery fury cooled as he is bombarded by a barrage of kicks and relinquishes his grip on the Tower with a howl, which causes it to fall on him. The France Five gasp as the Eiffel Tower smashes into a billion pieces and lies on top of the antichrist in rubble. A few moments pass in silence, and everybody just remains where they are. Then suddenly the ruins of the Eiffel Tower burst up from the ground and Lucifer stands tall again, his eyes blazing. The France Five fall back in terror, but before they can do so much as shout Lucifer unsheathes a great flaming sword and swats them all with it. They burn to ashes before they even drop to the nothingness below. St. Lucifer sheathes the fiery tongue, and gives the merest half-glance in Lord DoomFoorAlls direction before pyro-teleporting back to his lair.

St. Lucifer advances to Round 2!

----

Santa Claws vs. Major Tom

House fighters are Big Mac and Hamlet.

Major Tom is a stately gentlemen, however he doesnt believe it fairytales. But Santa Claws is Santa Claus...with claws! Scary! But not really. Unless youre Major Tom. Kody freezes the narrator in time for wasting a line or two and hires a new one. Back to the match, Major Tom isnt doing too well; hes almost entirely on the defensive. Suddenly Major Tom pulls out a microphone and starts singing the Birmingham song...in E-minor. Hamlet has a chat with Exa-Gore-Ic in the stands, who agrees to set a barrier around the arena until the song ends. The audience is saved from any high-pitched wailing...for this fight anyway. Back in the arena, the Santa Claws gets a chalkboard and scratches his claws on it. This drowns out the Birmingham melody immediately with a immense SCREEEEEEEEECH, and Major Tom spasms for a split-second before jumping in his MINI Cooper and driving into and over Santa Claws, but what Major Tom doesnt realize is that Santa Claws clawed into the MINIs motor, resulting in an explosion that thankfully ejects Major Tom from the foundered vehicle but less thankfully right in front of the evil, sharp-appendaged Saint Nick. Santa Claws raises a foot to stomp on Major Toms face, yet in that time Major Tom got out of the way, and the foot went through the ground since Santa Claws had to get a prosthetic foot for breaking the real one going down a chimney the wrong way. Major Tom draws out an iron hammer whilst the Claws, er, claws at the ground attempting to break free. But its too late; there is a loud crack, and Santa Claws keels in reverse, nose broken, and conscious unconscious. The dome is lifted and Hamlet salutes Major Tom, then kicks him off the stage just because he can.

Major Tom advances to Round 2!

----

Squidward Tentacles vs. Johnny Gomez and Nick Diamond

House fighters are Asterix and Obelix.

Squidward enters the arena alone. Where are those two idiots, the squid thinks to himself. Probably chickened out, it seems, and he laughs moronically before pulling his clarinet and playing horribly. The audience groans, but their ears are spared now thanks to the arrival of...Paris Hilton?! Squidward stops playing the clarinet, and stuffs it down her throat, causing her to explode. Then comes Will Smith, and he and Squidward engage in a game of fisticuffs, resulting in Squidward winning, but only because Squidward shoved Wills fist into his own face. Ryan Seacrest enters the arena next. Squidward is confused, but fights Seacrest anyway, and trips him into a net, which flings Seacrest across a desert where hes attacked by sea crabs infected with leprosy. Squidwards doom is imminent now, as Steven Seagal comes in. Thats right, Nick, and I cant believe how badly we fooled them, giving them counterfeit money, says a voice from above, and both Squidward and Seagal look up. Its Nick Diamond and Johnny Gomez in a announcing box. Uh oh, I think theyre onto us, says Nick Diamond, and they bolt, as Steven Seagal leaves the arena and chases after them. Squidward turns to face the audience and is engulfed in rotten tomates.

But Squidward Tentacles advances to Round 2 anyway!

Still to come:

Norbert the rabies infected cat vs. Blaze Ya Dead Homie
Rabies prawn vs. Black Mage
Daniel the Chaos Mole vs. A stingray
Raymundo vs. Mara Jade Skywalker
Cyberman Army vs. The fat guy from Boogie Nights
Pee Wee Herman vs. Crazy Frog
A pirate vs. Anti-Matter

[kodster]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Norbert the rabies infected cat vs. Blaze Ya Dead Homie

House fighters are Ancalagon and Exa-Gore-Ic.

The cat, namely a Siamese, has already attacked Blaze, scratching and biting like mad. Norbert touches Blaze and they engage in an RPG match. Erhem...

*cheesy RPG music*

NORBERT
HP: 25/25

BLAZE YA DEAD HOMIE
HP: 25/25

NORBERT USES SCRATCH.
BLAZE YA DEAD HOMIE TAKES 1 DAMAGE.

BLAZE YA DEAD HOMIE USES STOMP.
NORBERT TAKES 5 DAMAGE.

NORBERT
HP: 20/25

BLAZE YA DEAD HOMIE
HP: 24/25

NORBERT USES HOWL.
NORBERTS ATTACK ROSE!

BLAZE YA DEAD HOMIE USES STUPID GUN ON NORBERT.
NORBERT BECOMES STUPID.

NORBERT IS STUPID.
NORBERT TRIPS OVER HIS TAIL AND CAUSES 5 DAMAGE TO HIMSELF.

BLAZE YA DEAD HOMIE USES SHOT GUN.
NORBERT TAKES 1,000,000,000,000 DAMAGE.

NORBERT
HP: 0/25

BLAZE YA DEAD HOMIE
HP: 24/25

Blaze Ya Dead Homie advances to Round 2!

----

Rabies prawn vs. Black Mage

House fighter is The Watcher.

The prawn leaps forward like the cat did, but this time an RPG battle does not occur. Instead, its a real-time strategy battle!

Black Mage directs his forces, namely M.A.R.T.A.Ns, towards the prawn, who attacks without warning. M.A.R.T.A.Ns of course are stupid and they kill each other over a pie that was placed by Fighter nearby. Black Mage decides to play cheesy. KAMEHAMEHA! he cries and destroys the prawn with a single blast, obliterating not only the prawn but Fighter and the M.A.R.T.A.N bodies as well. However as we all know, in RTS games to kill off an opponent you must destroy the enemy stronghold too or they will regenerate. Really? Thanks, says Black Mage to the narrator. Darn it. I mean...uh...Black Mage finds the stronghold nearby: a tree. A huge tree. A tree bigger than that giant Black Mage and Fighter fought some time ago...suddenly the prawn appears, about 10x as big as it was before. Black Mage wonders why rabies-infected shrimps live in huge trees, and especially big ones, but while hes thinking this the prawn pounces on him and pins him to the ground. Its about to bite into him when Black Mage summons the power of 100 White Mages which, with a wave of their staffs, summon a gigantic blast of white fire which incinerate the tree and the prawn in one fell swoop. They forgot, hopwever, that Black Mage got caught in the fire, but since his stronghold, a majestic castle, is nearby, they dont need to worry. Black Mage re-enters the scene a second later, and pays one of the White Mages about 10 pounds for the quick appearance.

Black Mage advances to Round 2!

[leorcc]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

I smell a Pokemon player.

Cool I have at least one player left.

[steven_mcg]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Cracking stuff again, Kody! And now, for my final Round 1 tactics.

A.T.T.T.W.I.
ROUND 1
AN ARMY OF CYBERMEN VS The fat guy from Boogie Nights (aka Philip Seymour Hoffman)

Fighting Time Lords and Daleks is one thing, but fighting a man pretending to be a gay boom operator for porn films? Thats weird even for a Doctor Who viewer.
The key to victory here will be numbers. Cybermen arent quite as tough as Daleks, but there sure are a lot of them. Also, Hoffman will find it hard to act his way out of trouble, as Cybermen are emotionless and thus immune to the charms of Oscar winners. Overpower Hoffman before he can take too many down with his boom mike and chuck him into a CyberConverter.

If things get desperate, start converting the audience. :wink:

[kodster]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

More for you!

Daniel the Chaos Mole vs. A stingray

House fighters are Ancalagon & Exa-Gore-Ic.

Its the Chaos Mole who charges forward with an ear-splitting squeal of rage, but he cant hurt the stingray because the stingray is in a giant fishtank with bulletproof glass. However Daniel isnt called the Chaos Mole for nothing, and with another squeak, a horde of blue-footed boobies from the Galapagos Islands, which are rather tasty birds when roasted, swarm into the arena and begin pecking the glass. Another squeak, and the arena floor rumbles and legions of millipedes burst from the ground and crawl up the tank, but since the boobies are pecking the tank the milipedes cave in to the pressure and fall back onto the floor. Then Daniel summons the most frightening force yet: a surge of horned toads with laser eyes stream up from the holes the millipedes made in the floor and jump into the tank with a single bound. The stingray recoils at first, but suddenly and to the consternation of Daniel, the boobies and the millipedes, the toads disintegrate leaving skeletons of their former selves. Daniel backs away; what kind of enemy are we dealing with here, wonders the petrified mole, but he only has a second to ponder this as the stingray starts swimming around faster and faster, and the tank tips over deluging them all in the liquidy substance. Much to the surprise of the audience the liquid doesnt seem to be water as Daniel, the boobies and millipedes start to melt on the spot, and become puddles. Exa-Gore-Ic finally realizes: the liquid was not water at all but a highly corrosive isotope of hydrochloric acid that burns almost anything it touches, however the stingray had an exterior coating that repelled the effect of the acid.

A stingray advances to Round 2!

----

And now for some short fights.

Raymundo vs. Mara Jade Skywalker

House fighters are Taki and Tira.

Mara Jade Skywalker, the Jedi knight, wanders the arena looking for her opponent. Shes rather angry because she lost to that stupid golden monkey from the Wars Incarnate II. Also, she notices that Tira is absent from the precedings. Taki merely shrugs and continues to slurp on her strawberry milkshake. Unfortunately for Raymundo, Tira before the match had taken a liking to him and dragged him off to Ostrheinburg where he was commited to slavery of one of the worst kinds, but I wont spoil it for you. So Mara Jade immediately advances to the next round thanks to an absence from Raymundo. Dont worry, Tira shall be punished. =D

Mara Jade Skywalker advances to Round 2!

----

Cyberman Army vs. Philip Seymour Hoffman, the fat guy from Boogie Nights

House fighters are Asterix and Obelix.

The Cybermen surround Hoffman and slam into him but due to his girth they bounce off of him and fall backwards. Hoffman laughs nerdily at them. Futile seeing as thousands of spaceships filled with Cybermen inhabit the area around the arena. How rare. Anyway its impossible for poor Hoffman to win this fight, and even though he runs away from the beams they fire at them, a random safe falls on top of one of the ships, causing it to pile itself into another, and the effect is like a Domino pile; all of the ships fall out of the sky, and I said impossible before, because they all land on top of Hoffman and crush his brains out. Asterix and Obelix shrug and then proceed to beat up on the remaining Cybermen, who get the gist and get the hell out of there ASAP.

Cyberman Army advance to Round 2!

[dinowarrior]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

CRAZY FROGS TACTICS
Be annoying. Scream as loud as possible, creating a sort of force field.