Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

[steven_mcg]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

A.T.T.T.W.I.
ROUND 1
DR IVO ROBOTNIK VS P.C.

Robotropolis VS Siliconopolis. Interesting.
P.C. looks a fairly impressive villain, but hes only made it as far as conquering Denmark, according to his profile. Meanwhile, this version of Robotnik has robotcized almost an entire planet. Not to mention he has his genius nephew Snively and an army of mass-produced SWATbots on his side, compared with two rather dim androids and a calculator.
Tactics here will be to use a laser firearm to smash his screen. Once blinded, bounce him into the nearest House Fighter with the Botnik belly. If he decides to play low and call his henchbots, Ill play lower and summon some SWATbot divisions.

[dinowarrior]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

BARRYS TACTICS
Once the giant mutant cuckoo breaks out of the clock, which its bound to do considering its size, eat the little terror. Failing that, slice him apart with the pendulum thingies.

[kodster]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Violent J vs. Wild Horses

House fighters are The Sickness and Tira.

The Insane Clown Posse foreman looks at his opponents. Sorry to say that he doesnt know how many of his opponents there are, he can only see a few of them and sillhouettes of others. And more are coming. Violent J gulps: he doesnt know what to do. Then something lands in front of him: its an album. All of a sudden something forms around him: in a strange turn of events the bands album cover The Wraith has come to life, and Violent J is now the Wraith, a hell-sent minstrel. The horses give no thought to this and immediately stampede towards him. Out of nowhere a blast of hellfire catches the horses, obliterating some of them, however more keep coming. The Wraith looks around; there must be somewhere from where the horses are coming from. The horses are now crowding the arena so now Tira and The Sickness join the fray. The Sickness expands himself to major proportions and many of the horses attain horrible diseases, and Tira disposes of them off the stage. The Wraith is thankful for this distraction, as hes found the source of the horses: Martijn has put up a ramp from the audience to the arena and is sending millions of wild horses into the huge platform. The Wraith throws the ramp into the depths below, and takes out the rest of the horses. Unfortunately for Tira shes not immune to The Sickness and acquires avian flu, and has to be taken into care.

Violent The Wraith J advances to Round 2!

Note: I dont like the Insane Clown Posse at all, but that doesnt mean Im going to kill off Leos entry because of that. Good going Leo.

Oh, and Tira will get better.

[leorcc]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Faygo showers all round to celebrate!

[kodster]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Well, thanks to a late antidote from my anti-anti-hero, Tira is back to her maniacal self.

Now then, onto some more fights!

A can of Barqs root beer vs. A jar of crab paste

The house fighters are Cortez and Ancalagon.

Once again, neither fighter is capable of moving by their selves so Cortez and Ancalagon step in. Cortez picks up the can of Barqs and drains it in one gulp, forgetting that because hes a skeleton the liquid goes right through him and onto the ground. He sighs, sets the can down, and turns away, only to step on the puddle of Barqs and slip off of the stage. While this was happening Ancalagon had picked up the jar of crab paste. He crammed the contents into his cakehole and was absolutely delighted by the taste of it. He brings Cortez back into the arena, and both house fighters start their own crab paste franchise, labelled The Pasty Crab, and make many different kinds of crab paste depending on the different species of crab. This means that they forget all about the fight and the empty can and jar just sit there...and sit there...and sit there...Ancalagon and Cortez however are now multi-trillionaires and living in huge mansions in the sky, completely oblivious to everything else. Ancalagon is getting his huge wings massaged while Cortez is counting the money theyve made over the successful business that they spawned. Cortez suddenly realizes that hes bound to his treasure, and that the treasure is still on Final Destination. With a cry he plummets back down to the platform and lands with a huge BANG, knocking both fighters over. All of a sudden, there is a sound like a monkey coming out of a badly-tuned radio and the jar spontaneously combusts, bringing an end to this completely pointless and boring fight.

A can of Barqs root beer advances to Round 2!

----

Jamie Madrox vs. Talkie Toaster

House fighters are Big Mac and Taki.

The Multiple Man clones himself repeatedly, and soon has an army of clones standing around him. He laughs confidently, figuring nothing could take down a whole squadron of himself. The toaster beeps through its speaker. The Multiple Man army is almost on top of the toaster until theres a squawk from the audience. The Multiple Man turns to see...Jamie Madrox?! Everybody is stunned. But its the real Jamie Madrox, the funkadelic rapper, and he looks right angry. The fictional Jamie Madrox advances on him with the army but the rapper moves fast, dodging around all the clones punches and one by one throwing them off the stage. Then the rapper walks right into a punch from the clone-man, right into the gut, and staggers backwards, but then he answers the punch with a kick to the face. Then both men grapple each other and get into a fight cloud. They tumble off the stage and the rapper catches the edge as the clone-man falls to his doom. It would have felt very good to know that he defeated someone, but even better if it was his opponent. Look! Hes back! says the toaster, and Jamie Madrox turns around, and forgetting himself he loses his hold and drops to his death.

Talkie Toaster advances to Round 2!

----

Dr. Ivo Robotnik vs. PC

House fighters are Asterix and Exa-Gore-Ic.

Both fighters glare at each other, each loathing each other for what they are and what theyve done. Immediately Robotnik fires his laser but PC deflects it with a flick of his arm, and it hits a nearby moon destroying it. Robotniks eyes narrow, but even more so when he espies PC call out henchbots who race towards Robotnik with their claws pointed towards him. Immediately he summons hordes of SWATbots, and his servants Sleet and Dingo from Sonic Underground. Unfortunately for Robotnik they screw up every time and fall flat on their faces before they are even ordered to attack. Robotnik slaps his forehead for hiring such idiots into his servantry, but then comes back to himself and orders his SWATbots to attack. PC gets more of his henchbots to attack, and now its an all-out war, missiles flying, metallic arms swinging, claws tearing, and voices screeching. Some are unlucky enough to attack the house fighters, and Asterix smashes through many of them, whiles Exa-Gore-Ic instantly implodes them with his powers. Robotnik is incensed by this, and gets even more of his SWATbots to attack the house fighters. Asterix however is not letting up, and soon there are a pile of broken robots near Asterix, and hes just gotten to about 935,001. Robotnik is scared and he fires a laser at Asterix that freezes him, but Exa-Gore-Ic tackles Robotnik and knocks him out. Fortunately for Robotnik, PC had been destroyed as Asterix had destroyed his 10th SWATbot.

Dr. Ivo Robotnik advances to Round 2!

[steven_mcg]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Hooray!

A.T.T.T.W.I.
ROUND 1
Lord Doomforall VS THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE

A good chance to employ Thomas original tactics in the first WI, methinks.
Thomas the Tank Engine was created by the Reverend Wilbert Awdry. Reverend. As such, tournament logic dictates that Thomas should have a close ally in the God of Christianity. Tommy will call upon God to fight Alex (Like his Lordship could resist a clash with the Creator himself) and try to run him down while hes distracted with battling the Almighty.
Failing that, shunt him into the nearest House Fighter, bludgeon him with catchphrases or call upon the rest of the Sodor transport system to help.

[alex_holt]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Oooh I must admit that I do love a good cosmic scale battle with major deities. However, Doomforall isnt as easily crushed as that: he has pretty much power in his telekinetics as the gravity of a particularly large star, and the rift which he controlls works pretty much cosmic a cosmic matter eraser. Ill make myself some cool rift armour which will basically cut a me shaped hole straight through whatever anythign that tries to hit me. Thomas wouldnt be quite so charming with my shape branded in his face (and right the way through him if he didnt stop)

Besides, I still think God will be a bit peed (it seems a common symonym of that also belonging with p is forbidden on here, which I swear it didnt used to be) off at the whole anti-christ thing.. And the childrends TV barrage..... just nasty...

[steven_mcg]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Since youre the one who made Thomas the Anti-Christ in the first place, I have a feeling hell be a bit more peeved with you. :wink:

(Message edited by Steven_McG on February 23, 2007)

[alex_holt]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Good point, lol. But realistically if Archangel of the Abyss) could involve himself (and I just randomly promoted him to my herald - if Galactus has one, why cant I?) then I definatly can. Besides Im an atheist so his powers cant touch me.

[kodster]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Okay, I know I hadnt posted it for the longest time, but here are Melissas final two entrants:

7. A Los Angeles blonde cheerleader
8. Sonic & Tails

That means these two matches are complete:

An LA cheerleader vs. Congealed milk
Sonic & Tails vs. Samus Aran

Battles up a in a few minutes.

[kodster]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Okay, I guess Ancalagon and Cortez werent cut out to be multi-trillionaires so lets begin the next set of fights. *gets furtive look from Alex* Uhh...well, it aint a few minutes, but theyre here. =P

Barry the mutant cuckoo clock vs. Stewie Griffin

House fighters are Obelix and Hamlet.

The evil toddler takes out his trusty carbonite gun and readies it. The cuckoo clock towers over him, looking increasingly more evil by the second and its pendulum rocks back and forth, sending out soundwaves of Stewies imminent doom. Stewie fires a beam of frozen carbonite at the clock but the beam just bounces off due to the extremely smooth vinyl finish on the wood, hitting a random audience member who just happens to be Tom Roper and freezes him in solid molecular compound. Stewie next takes out a rattle. It looks rather cute with bright blue and yellow, but Stewie takes the handle off and the audience realizes that its a grenade. He hurls it at the clock and it greets the clocks face with a gigantic explosion. Stewie takes out his carbonite gun again and again fires it at the clock, right into the cloud of smoke. Everyone can see another beam go sailing off into the distance. Stewie keeps his spherical eyes fixed on the translucent cloud of smoke, which slowly fades, and reveals the most horrifying cuckoo ever. Its feathers are damp and sticky as if they were crafted from mold that hasnt quite solidified yet, and its cruel-beaked head is gaping open with slime dripping out. Stewie grabs his milk bottles and uses them as a nunchaku to fend off the cuckoos attacks. Barry dives at Stewie, screeching shrilly, and Stewie sticks one of the milk-bottles right into the cuckoos mouth. The bottle clogs Barrys beak and he cant breathe. The cuckoo collapses from suffocation and Stewie freezes it in carbonite and showcases it in a museum years later. The clock itself is sold for 10p to a proud Welshman who plays the Banjo for a living.

Stewie Griffin advances to Round 2!

----

Full Metal Alchemist vs. Lordi

House fighter is The Watcher.

The Finnish band are ready. The Alchemist is also ready, and he fuses a Boeing 747 with a plothole, and hurls it at them. Normally this would have won it for the Alchemist but at the last second the object disappears. Frank Goacher comes on-stage and slaps the Alchemist with a rubber glove, and reminds him never to steal his plotholes again. The Full Metal Alchemist growls at Frank but leaves him alone due to the fact that Frank is the master of randomness and that the FMA isnt a match for him. The Alchemist turns back to Lordi and finds them rushing at him with their instruments. The Alchemist grins and opens up a sand pit underneath the ground which swallows the band up and a second later their bones are spit out. The Alchemist thanks the sandland predator that made his way to the arena to look for food, but knew that they wouldve run out of air anyway.

Full Metal Alchemist advances to Round 2!

----

LA cheerleader vs. Congealed milk

House fighters are The Sickness and Big Mac.

The teenage middle-school girl is slightly confused, as shes been brought here instead of an ER room; she was going to the ER room because shes been due on brain surgery ever since a year ago when they found out she got only 2 score on her IQ test. In fact she doesnt care; shes already performing a very cheesy tap-dance and waving wildly. Speaking of cheese, the bottle of congealed mlik just sits there until The Sickness swarms around it. A huge amount of radiation is given off, rumbling sounds are heard, and seconds later the bottle explodes to reveal a huge green cheese monster oozing with rotting cheddar. The cheerleader isnt listening; she has her back to the monstrousity and is trying to entertain the crowd by doing a dance to the British national anthem. Leo van Miert and Gary Cairns throw their lager cans at the girl, which hit her head and spin it around 180 degrees so that she is now face-to-face with the cheese monster. She tries to scream but since her heads been twisted half-way its pretty hard, and her neck snaps as she falls to the ground with a glassy expression. The barbaric hulkish monster grabs the girl and envelops her, sinking her into the depths of his cheesy skin and innards. the monster than pats its belly and goes to sleep.

The cheese monster which was once congealed milk advances to Round 2!

----

Rusty nail vs. Michael Jackson

House fighters are Taki and Exa-Gore-Ic.

MJ aint exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, but he must be smarter than that idiot cheerleader who was here last time. He immediately goes into his dance for Thriller and the audience breaks into applause. The rusty nail isnt phased, though. It just sits there, looking forlorn. MJ is stunned, and several reporters come onstage and photograph the nail. No one has put up such an obstinate silence towards what is arguably the greatest song ever as this rusty nail has before, and this must surely be a big deal as MJ gets angry and stomps on the nail, and it seems that MJ is stupid because youre a downright nincompoop if you stomp on a nail, rather rusty, with its point up, WITH BARE FEET. MJ gets a huge pain in his foot, and jumps off of his fee, howling. The cut is made across a vein, and therefore MJ is unable to dance anymore. He tries suing the nail but the nail doesnt have anything to give, and counter-sues MJ for attacking an innocent object. MJ argues that he cut him, but the nail objects this because it was self-inflicted. So MJ loses millions of dollars and is reduced to living a homeless life, and is run over by a random dumptruck whiles the nail lays in his hundred-piece bedroom set with a martini and several good-looking women.

A rusty nail advances to Round 2!

Yes, Im saving the Doomforall/Thomas fight for one post only, because its going to be long.

[kodster]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Well, heres the longest fight yet of the ATTTWI, and one that I have been itching to write for a long while.

Lord DoomForAll & ArchAngel of the Abyss vs. Thomas the Tank Engine and God

All house fighters are participating.

Four unearthly powers, each streaming uncontainable and unimaginable energy from every particle in their bodies, come forth to do battle.
On one side are Lord DoomForAll, the infinitesmal being of unlimited power, guile, telepathy, and wit, clutching smoothly his trusty rift staff, and his loyal servant and herald ArchAngel of the Abyss, as Alex says, an unkillable creature of ancient and dark magic, able to summon forth evil creatures of shadow. Their might remains unchallenged, and their black gazes stare out coldly at their apparent opponents.
At the other end is the anti-christ himself, Thomas the Tyrant Tank engine, his black, hellish powers unconquerable as of yet, the bold and wicked grin extending to the edges of his evil face, and the creator, God, untouchable by emotion, force, or trickery, wielding the might of uncountable powers known and unknown, and the stern look on his face tells his competitors that he is ready to bring them to judgement.
Its Thomas that makes the first move, calling forth innumberable demons and wicked creatures for his bidding. ArchAngel of the Abyss responds by summoning his shadow host. DoomForAll and God call out their own hosts, rift agents and angelic powers respectively. The hordes clash in an epic battle, quite possibly the most gigantic clash yet in the current universe, but it is only the beginning. Lord DoomForAll extends his rift staff, and suddenly takes an unusual aggressive stance, and blasts off at supersonic velocity, thrusting a rift armour-clad fist at the Creator, and it connects, however due to Gods unabsolute powers he was able to make clones of himself and so the Lord only destroys a carbon-copy of the original Creator. Thomas and ArchAngel react almost as instantly as Lord DoomForAll did and their unparalleled might channels through them viciously as they collide in epic fashion. ArchAngel extends his claw outwards and shears the face of the Anti-christ, however Thomas catches ArchAngel in an enormous blast of hell-fire. The eyes of ArchAngel burn red before he blows away the hell-fire as if it were nothing and, with a casual swish of his hand, encases the Anti-christ in a prism of dark energy, held tightly together by subatomic neurons drenched in evil, and slamming his hands together causes the prism to cave in on itself and implode in milliseconds, therefore annihalating Thomas. However, the spirit of the Anti-christ seeped out of the metallic body of Thomas before ArchAngel readied his deadly powers, and possessed the body of ArchAngel and shoved ArchAngels dark soul into the body of Thomas; therefore ArchAngel has been destroyed and the Anti-christ once again reassumes the form of Thomas the Tyrant Tank Engine, grinning sinisterly.
Whiles this was going on, Lord DoomForAll was dealing with the many Gods that were surrounding him. The Lord zipped around, shattering all the God copies upon impact due to his rift armour, however the real God has no ordinary form, he just is, he just exists, meaning he had only taken on the form of a tall, wise man in a toga. DoomForAll isnt impressed, and therefore orders God to show him his true form. Therefore the Creator does. Suddenly a great blasphemy of storms and disasters form around DoomForAll, a torrent of rain lashes him, tornado-force winds strike him, and many forms of nature indeed attack the Lord; however, treachery was afoot, and Thomas the Anti-christ backstabbed his fighting partner, and the earth awakened: lava poured forth, destroying countless forms of nature and dispelling the rain, great fumes of black smoke belched forth and thickened the air, and earthquakes toppled trees and shattered mountains. God was horrified, but even more so when he saw DoomForAll speed towards the clouds, through them and smite the Creator, a brilliantly bright orb of white light, and the glowing globe gave off a corona of energy before collapsing and sucking itself into the void.
Thomas grinned evilly, and awaited DoomForAlls return. Now it was between the two of them, and DoomForAll slowly descended onto the lava-soaked ground, the molten rock not harming the Lord at all. Both fighters looked up, as the battle between all the hordes was growing ever intense.
At that moment the house fighters threw themselves into the melee. Ancalagon burned down many angels and shadow spirits, and Exa-Gore-Ic removed many purposes, causing them to explode into nothingless. Taki, Tira, Hamlet, Asterix, Obelix, and Cortez slew many. Big Mac went into The Sickness and became a horrific mutant snadwich that devoured many of the demons and rift monsters without harm. The Watchers voice rose above all with a ear-splitting screech that sundered the tormented earth and more and more molten rock poured forth. Thomas and DoomForAll remained steady. Then Lord DoomForAll pressed his hands together, and spoke a few quiet words. Thomas was horrified to find that a shadow of ArchAngel of the Abyss started to form beside him, and then again took shape, colder and darker than ever. By now most of the hordes had been destroyed. Thomas charges forward with the might of Hades inside of him, but Lord DoomForAll met his charge with a blindingly-fast slash of his rift staff, and they turned. Thomas fell over, torn into two pieces, and the spirit of the anti-christ rose above him. Before the spirit could so much as move, Lord DoomForAll extended his hand, and turned it slowly. The anti-christ, without force of his own will or strength, began to slowly rotate on the spot. The hand of DoomForAll began to rapidly increase its spinning acceleration, and the anti-christ spun faster than ever. Then without warning, the spirit dislodged from itself in subatomic fragments, spiralling out of existance and joining the Creator in the void.
Lord DoomForAll glares into the distance, and turns his back on the scene, raising the rift-staff in the resulting applause that came from what was left of the audience as he makes his way towards his lurking place, wherever that may be.

Lord DoomForAll advances to Round 2!

...wow. Im amazed at my own writing.

[alex_holt]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Yay! Excellent writing! Plus I beat the entire pantheon of one of the worlds biggest religeons! Horray for extreme blasphemy!

[steven_mcg]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Why do I bother trying to make Thomas the good guy?

Still, one fantabulous fight, Kody!

[leorcc]

Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

We all know the evil that is Thomas the tank engine, there is no fooling us.