The Last Oddetsey

[NFX]

"This is bad, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad!"

The macaw repeated the mantra to himself as he flew out of the roof of the Arrival Room. Part of him wondered why he hadn't bothered doing this earlier, but then he remembered he had assumed it was a trap or something. He really needed to stop doing that. Emerging from the blaring building, magnet in one claw, cassette in the oth-wait...

"Cassette!" he shrieked to himself, diving back down into the building, frantically scanning for that ABBA tape he had found himself in possession of. Why did he even need that? But it may come in useful, who knows. Spotting it after a few seconds lying by his half-melted pipe, he grabbed it in his free claw, before soaring back out of the room and into the open sky. Now he just needed to figure out where the others had gone.

[steven_mcg]

"What the hell do you think you are doing?! Do you think this is funny?! There is enough worry going on round here without scaring children by dressing up as Vengeance! The last thing my little ducklings need to be thinking is that the third coming of the prophet is upon us and the world truely is ending! Shame on you! Shame on you all!"

Oh, believe me, my good waterfowl, I feel ashamed just taking a breath in this godforsaken dump you've apparently made your nest! As to the rest of your ravings, let's go down the list, shall we?

Number one; where are we?

Number two; I'm not sure a being who has yet to master the concept of trousers should be giving fashion advice in the first place. A suit this spiffy don't come cheap, you know.

Number three; where are we?

Number four; not a Vengeance - the Vengeance. The definitive article, you might say.

Number five; where are we?

Number six; I know I'm a reasonably big deal in the galaxy by this point in my career, but what on earth is all this prophet nonsense? I hadn't made it into any major world bibles last time I checked. Not yet, anyway...

Number seven; WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?

[kodster]

Well Spod was gone, and so their number was reduced to three. Or so it seemed. After a while, she heard the other human (playzooki) speak of Vengeance.

Eudial practically jumped a mile (not really). It wasn't possible. It wasn't... oh yes it was. She turned, and somehow Prof. Vengeance had rejoined the party (along with the psycat, Cleo, and Marisa and Khloe). No. No! Why had he come back?! He was thought to have been left behind! He probably had caught up while Eudial was busy with these... freaks, or so they seemed to be.

Disguising the fear she didn't want to admit, she shuffled over to the other side of Gaunt, taking comfort in the fact at least the demon wasn't against her... not yet, anyway...

And then this happened:

"What the hell do you think you are doing?! Do you think this is funny?! There is enough worry going on round here without scaring children by dressing up as Vengeance! The last thing my little ducklings need to be thinking is that the third coming of the prophet is upon us and the world truely is ending! Shame on you! Shame on you all!"

Firecrackers went off again in Eudial's mind. Even these creatures feared Vengeance - wait! Third coming of the prophet? World truly ending?!

Eudial just stood there, pale as all hell. Was Vengeance truly that powerful, enough to destroy worlds upon worlds? She just gazed blearily ahead, mind lost in these things, and completely unaware of how odd her appearance was at the moment. She couldn't even tell (or care) if anyone was looking at her.

[alex_holt]

Twitch gains altitude and spots the rest of the party at the base of the hill and quickly flies down to join them, just in time for the Duck, whose name it turns out is Drake Beakington, to give his indignant response.

"How dare you! Going trouserless is a noble tradition of my people! I will not hear it besmirched by someone who clearly has no respect for religion or the Great Prophecy! I am going to tell my Reverand about this this instant, he will know what to do with you ragamuffins!"

With this he flats off down the road towards a large building that looks suspiciously like a scale facsimile of one of the Professors old bases in some of the detailing.

[NFX]

As one bird made his way away from the group, another bird joined them, as Twitch had managed to track the trio down, magnet swinging idly from his claws. He flew up to them from behind, and hovered alongside Eudial, having just managed to catch the duck's reply, and watched him heading off. "Do I want to know who that was?"

[andrewj]

"...Did you just feel that? The atmosphere suddenly changed. Something's not right here. Nothing is right here. What is this place?"

*Cleo looks quizzically towards Professor Vengeance*

"Wherever we are, you seem to be well known..."

"...you smell of raspberries, by the way."

[steven_mcg]

"How dare you! Going trouserless is a noble tradition of my people! I will not hear it besmirched by someone who clearly has no respect for religion or the Great Prophecy! I am going to tell my Reverand about this this instant, he will know what to do with you ragamuffins!"

What are you-

HEY! GET BACK HERE! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET! YOU NEVER EVEN BOTHERED-

OH, YES, VERY NICE! VERY CLEVER! GO AND FIND A WALL TO MOUNT YOURSELF ON, WILL YOU, YOU ABOMINABLE BREADBIN?

Honestly, for a God-fearing duck, he knows a lot of obscene wing gestures. At least I assume that's what they were.

"Do I want to know who that was?"

A git, is who it was.

Aaaand you're a talking parrot. Yes. Of course. It's all falling into place now. (Christ).

"Wherever we are, you seem to be well known..."

What can I say? My reputation precedes me.

"...you smell of raspberries, by the way."

This from a house pet who smells like the backside of my grandmother's carpet.

...

[sniff sniff]

(Bloody aftershave).

Wait a moment! That building in the distance. It almost looks like...

But it can't be! My old Hawaiian base wasn't that small - and it was in Hawaii, come to mention it - and it didn't have those spires and pretty windows all over the place like a malformed cathedral. But I know that shape anywhere. Who else would build a colossal bowler hat over an active volcano and harness all that mounting magma into a continent-crossing lava cannon? Not Dr Popsicle, I can tell you that much!

Now this is truly worth investigating! Sunday best, everybody! It's time for church!

[kodster]

Eudial didn't hear any of the following conversation. She was still numb with utter shock, and was standing there completely unmoving. Wait... could it be? Yes, it seemed that she was so terribly flummoxed, a tear was falling down her cheek.

[NFX]

"I'm a macaw, I don't wear anything." Twitch replies to the eccentric professor. At that point, he realises the once temperamental Eudial was oddly still, looking something awful. He tilted his head, just watching for a moment, before he spotted a tear making its way from her eye. Well, if she was upset about something...glancing down at his claws, he noted the still slightly swinging magnet, and the as yet unheard cassette tape. The parrot was a little intrigued as to whether this 'Abba Gold' person was any good or not, but that wasn't very useful at this point. So he decided to use his wing. Well, he decided to, but he was still keeping himself in the air, so the intended brush on the cheek turned into more of a slap in the face.

Woops.

[NWOWWE]

Gaunt stood in amazement. Much apart from being told off by a rather indignant Duck, the Professor that Eudial had mentioned had somehow found his way into their party. Even more shocking was that his presence seemed to be driving Eudial to an emotional wreck. This would not do at all. All this talk about the end of the world meant he needed someone as useful as her in a more stable state. It was time to use his use what powers he had for (dare he think it?) good. The very thought gave him a small internal tremor as if swallowing something bitter. But there was nothing else for it. His usual games would be entirely unproductive in this situation. And what of it anyway? Without his satchel he had no way of storing collected souls anyway, and if the universe ended he wouldn't have long to enjoy them. No... the best course of action was to do what was needed now to get back to his regular existence later.

He gave a comforting smile to Eudial and then turned his attention to the Professor.

"You sir seem far too, shall we say famous around here than is useful to us. I don't know your story or your purpose, but it plainly seems to be nothing good. I should like to know why you insist on following and terrorizing and belittling members of this party. For my part I have little use for loudmouthed subversives. If you have nothing useful to contribute then I should like nothing more to do with you."

[kodster]

SMACK.

Eudial came to her senses almost immediately as a soft object collided with her face, none too gently. She shook her head about and saw the macaw, Twitch, trying to stay afloat nearby. A spasm of anger twitched [lol!] over her face for a second, then she heard Gaunt's voice.

"You sir seem far too, shall we say famous around here than is useful to us. I don't know your story or your purpose, but it plainly seems to be nothing good. I should like to know why you insist on following and terrorizing and belittling members of this party. For my part I have little use for loudmouthed subversives. If you have nothing useful to contribute then I should like nothing more to do with you."

Eudial turned away from the annoying bird. It seemed that the demon was quite against the Professor as well and, small comfort this was, sympathetic towards her. No one had ever really treated her with such respect. It wouldn't do, however, for her to expose such weak emotions (as she thought them), especially towards Vengeance AND the demon.

She wiped her face and traded her shocked expression for her usual arrogant scowl, folding her arms. "I'll thank you," she growled at the bird, glancing sidelong at it, "not to awake me so rudely."

Feeling uncharacteristically sorry for her outburst, she added in an audible undertone, "Thanks..." before Twitch was offended.

[playzooki]

(Whats going on? That guys is famous all over the universe? Wow... )

"Personally, Im not too bothered about having Prof. Vengeance with us, but if the majority want him out, i dont mind"

[majinb]

"Flying above a mountain like an a capella singing angel, la la la la la."

[steven_mcg]

"You sir seem far too, shall we say famous around here than is useful to us. I don't know your story or your purpose, but it plainly seems to be nothing good. I should like to know why you insist on following and terrorizing and belittling members of this party. For my part I have little use for loudmouthed subversives. If you have nothing useful to contribute then I should like nothing more to do with you."

"Loud-mouthed subversive". That's a new one. Better than the usual names that get flung in my direction, anyway. Besides, I haven't even started on terrorizing you lot yet. I'm barely out of petty name-calling. It's not my fault if being bossy is so much fun.

And for your information, grandfather, my notoriety in this hellhole is just as confusing and irritating to me as it is to you, I'm sure. I don't like not knowing things, especially if they concern me. If these..."people" are turning my failed experiments for world domination into houses of worship, then that can only mean trouble. Don't tell me I'm the only one here who's seen Beneath the Planet of the Apes.

I wasn't blowing hot air earlier, either. I am almost certainly the smartest person in this ragtag rabble, if only in matters of the technical. I'm sure my little robot friend from our cells will be happy to run a quick cortex scan on each of us for confirmation. You can cast me into the wilderness if you so wish, but you'll also be casting away a man who can build a fully-functioning blaster ray from a laser pen, a spectacle lens, a AA battery and a partially-cracked water pistol.

We are in alien territory, ladies and gentlemen. You not only need a survivor; you need a weaselly little master of self-preservation. I have outwitted some of the finest superheroes of my age and many of the stupid ones. Hell, I've been plucked out of reality like this at least twice now and I'm still here, aren't I? I dislike your company as much as you all dislike mine, but if we are to truly understand why we are here, what's going on and how to get back home, then I suggest we don't start by throwing away our lifeboats before the iceberg hits.

What do you say? Am I in or am I out?

[kodster]

Eudial turned pale again as Vengeance spoke. Was he serious? Did they really need him to get through all this? That house, that talking duck's words, and the recent logs back in the prisoner room of course, were, if anything, true evidence that this matter concerned the Professor enough for his inclusion. But this was absurd!

Eudial didn't want to leave the party, not now, in any case there was some way of escaping. But she did not want Prof. Vengeance around, and certainly not want to be taking orders from him at all. She did have her pride, after all. And even Mimete didn't seem to hold a candle to the megalomaniac in her frustration books, at this point. However, as much as Eudial wanted to protest the inclusion of the Professor into the party, she felt as though there was something large stuck in her throat, and she merely took a step back, unaware of the chance there was someone behind her.