The Last Oddetsey

[steven_mcg]

Well, this place certainly looks familiar. There's got to be a loudhailer or something that I ca-

As the Fortress slowly reaches a stop above the Old World Society, suddenly an area behind the Professor is suddenly filled with the holographic projections of the members of the Society.

"We were wondering who would have managed to fidn the Fortress. We should have known it would be you Vengeance" says the metamorphing cloaked figure of the Catalyst.

"Why are you here?" Spodra interjects abruptly "And how did you manage to wrest control of the Fortress, I'm surprised that anyone could find it, let alone hotwire it".

GYAH!

For God's sake, you could've hailed me before you pixelated in like that! Giving the man driving the flying castle over a large populated area a heart attack isn't terribly clever.

How did I find it? That would be telling. Let's just say that, in a way, it found me.

As to why I'm here, my good...thing, I've come for tea with the Botanist. Tall fellow, moist, bony, bit of a green thumb. Come on, you must know him. After all, this is the Old World Society, is it not?

Oh, don't look so shocked. Three little letters: G.P.S.

I need to ask him a question, one which could affect the entire future of...well, the future. I need to know what thingygummy he gave Lord Doomforall and what that Rift-wrecking rapscallion's plan to save reality actually is.

[playzooki]

playzooki walked out of the courtyard and onto a street

[alex_holt]

EPSILON, MARISA and AURELIA

Although walking towards a group of singers seems like a straightforward task, the Chimera let off the leash by its master being knocked unconscious by Epsilons arrival somewhat complicates matters. The singers scatter to avoid the charge and the little blue hover mammoth swears loudly as its force-bubble is buffeted by an unexpected blast of fire. Clearly the chimera needs to be out of the picture before anything else goes on here.

Please give tactics for this fight!

EUDIAL
"We haven't really done a lot to test the capabilities of the parasites - they are infused with Rift energy, so except for Rift-infused beings like you, they could cut through most things like butter should they want to, as one of our interns found out..."

TWITCH
With his sudden pressing of the button the hangar doors do open, almost anticlimatically. The paper golem doesn't even react beyond a brief pause as if recalculating something, it just carries on with whatever it was doing. The hatch is rather huge however, and a short flight proves to Twitch that just because the hangar doors are open, he still has to get into the ship and pilot it. There is a single elderly tortoise holding a blunderbuss asleep next to the ship - presumably they didn't think people would get this far.

PROFESSOR VENGEANCE

The Botanist replies, sounding like a sulky child "He took my Quercus parstemopris nut! I told everyone! No one cared, and now it might be important suddenly everyone wants to help. My poor little nut, all lost and alone, who knows what that awful man might have done to it!"

The Catalyst interjects - "Are you saying that Doomforall had a plan after all?" The strange metamorphic being sounds particularly interested compared even to the other three. "What has he asked you to do, and how does it help him when he's floating up there sprouting tendrils of the end of everything into space?"

PLAYZOOKI

Playzooki leaves the courtyard and wanders onwards, before eventually arriving at a signpost "Welcome to Melded's Historic Lycra District - It's Almost Like Wearing Nothing at All". It appears this place is the traditional part of town both for lycra manufacture, but also sporty people to hang out.

Suddenly he is beckoned over by a really muscular and manly bipedal crocodile wearing lycra shorts which somehow has a handlebar moustache standing outside some kind of Gym looking building. He is about as 80s as a crocodile could concievably be, and then a bit more.

"Welcome friend! You seem a bit lost, worried and confused, perhaps you would feel a bit more confident in yourself after taking one of our complimentary training montages! My name is Hercules Atlas III and this is my Montage Dojo! We offer new customers one of our special double-courses entirely for free to see if they like it, and they can pay for any more they want! Feel free to pick one of:

Really Powerful Punching and Plaster of Paris Sculpturing of Sleepy Cats
Axe Fighting and Floral Cross-stitch
or
Chainsaw fighting and Wedding Cake Decoration

It's only take a few minutes, and then you'll be able to fight and craft like a Pro!"

[majinb]

Aurelia turns around to face the people that until very recently were her a cappella singing ensemble, or at least the ones that hadn't fled beyond her line of sight yet.

"I am Aurelia.
And I see a whole army of my a cappella singers, here in defiance of tyranny!
You have come to fight as free men and women and various genderless creatures.
And free man or woman or genderless creature you are!
What will you do without freedom?
Will you fight?"

"An a cappella vocal group against a Chimera?"

a squirrel shouted.

"No! We will run... and live!"

"Yes!"

Aurelia shouted back.

"Fight and you may die.
Run and you will live at least awhile.
And dying in your bed many years from now,
would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance,
to come back here as young men and tell our enemies that they may take our lives but they will never take our freedom!"

[kodster]

"We haven't really done a lot to test the capabilities of the parasites - they are infused with Rift energy, so except for Rift-infused beings like you, they could cut through most things like butter should they want to, as one of our interns found out..."

"Well normally I wouldn't oppose a violent solution, but I feel in the mood for a little music... perhaps this will have an effect on them."

With that, Eudial lifted out her precious instrument found in the glass tube room and, before anyone could stop her, put it to her lips and began to play. She was quite skilled in the art, after all, but really... all she wanted to do was let her current feelings go in song. And she got right into it...

[playzooki]

Playzooki chooses axe fighting and floral cross stitch.

[GF93]

EPSILON, MARISA and AURELIA

Although walking towards a group of singers seems like a straightforward task, the Chimera let off the leash by its master being knocked unconscious by Epsilons arrival somewhat complicates matters. The singers scatter to avoid the charge and the little blue hover mammoth swears loudly as its force-bubble is buffeted by an unexpected blast of fire. Clearly the chimera needs to be out of the picture before anything else goes on here.

Please give tactics for this fight!

Upon seeing the Chimera trying to attack the singers, Epsilon felt something it had not felt before- a need to protect these people it had not even met.
"Normally they would not be of any concern" the black and white robot thought to itself, "But I must protect them!"

With that, Epsilon activates its Acceleration System, charges at the Chimera as it prepares to attack again. After making an odd high-pitched whistling sound in mid-flight to attract its attention away from the singers, it quickly hits the Chimera with two fast punches that put the creature off-balance as it closes the distance. It then hits it with a jet-accelerated Roundhouse Kick that sends it reeling backwards a fair distance- knocking it over, but not defeating it.

Epsilon then glanced back towards the singers.
"Stand back." it warned, as it entered its combat stance again, preparing for the Chimera's next attack.

[majinb]

Aurelia to her a cappella vocal group...

"CHAAAAAAARGE!"

[GF93]

The Chimera climbed back to its fight, and let out an ear-splitting roar as it prepared to attack once more. As it saw the Acappella singers preparing to attack, Epsilon held out its right arm, and on its forearm just above the hand, a thin gap opened up and started to glow with a blue light from within.

"Primary Weapon online." Epsilon commented, and moved back into the fray into the fray with its Acceleration System. It began to distract the Chimera once more by leaping into the air and somersaulting over it, firing at it with some quick bursts of energy from its newly powered-on weapon as it did so.

[NWOWWE]

Gaunt got back to his feet still rubbing his head as Eudial pulled out a musical instrument. She then began playing... rather expertly in fact.

"Music..." Gaunt mused. He shrugged and then turned to look at the parasites to see if anything was happening to them.

[shadowflare]

After being distracted bythe overhead dirt dropping thing (oh poo, now I'm gonna have to clean off my hat. She thought, knocking dirt off of it.) Marisa finally clues in that her singing group is under attack.

She charges along in her own right, going a small distance away so as to not accidently shoot any people in the a cappella group, and takes aim with the hakkero. She just told the parrot that lasers weren't difficult -- now is the time to prove the point!

Maybe not Master Spark level though, that would just be rude after she took all that time to not shoot everyone. She sighed as she let her magic flow into the hakkero, firing off several smallish lazers at the Chimera.

[NFX]

Twitch stood in the open doors to the hangar, still trying to figure out exactly what was going on. Before him stood the spaceship, far larger than he had anticipated. Or maybe that was just his naturally small stature. Still, he was surprised he had gotten this far without being shot, and equally surprised that the only line of defense at this point seemed to be a tortoise with a beard sat in a folding wooden chair which had a definite air of cheapness about it. Maybe the rest of the money had gone towards those robot snipers. Or the two penguins. Stupid things to spend money on, they were pathetic excuses for birds. Couldn't even fly. Useless.

The parrot took half a step towards the ship before freezing up again, when he noticed the tortoise had a gun. A MASSIVE gun. Great, he'd gotten past the sniper robots, the lion-goat things, the penguins, and now he was going to be shot. Although the tortoise should have shot him by now, really, why hadn't he? And then it hit Twitch, the tortoise was actually asleep.

Letting out a silent but slightly exaggerated sigh of relief, Twitch flew up towards the ship, magic bag of many things in his claws, and set about trying to find a way into the ship, figuring out how to fly it, and then picking up the others. In that order.

[steven_mcg]

The Botanist replies, sounding like a sulky child "He took my Quercus parstemopris nut! I told everyone! No one cared, and now it might be important suddenly everyone wants to help. My poor little nut, all lost and alone, who knows what that awful man might have done to it!"

Wait, wait, wait! Stop the trolley!

You're telling me that the one thing the "Great" Lord Doomforall couldn't possibly even comprehend leaving behind before pottering off to slay an Outer God with his own two hands...was a single, solitary dried fruit!?

What's so special about a squirrel's packed lunch, O' Glorious God of Gardening, that it can be used to save all of reality? That's what I'd like to know!

The Catalyst interjects - "Are you saying that Doomforall had a plan after all?" The strange metamorphic being sounds particularly interested compared even to the other three. "What has he asked you to do, and how does it help him when he's floating up there sprouting tendrils of the end of everything into space?"

Well, that's rather the problem. I flew over here to ask you what he was planning.

As for what Doomsy asked me to do, I can't make head nor tail of it myself. Maybe you'll be able to fill in some of the blanks for me. Listen up, I'm only saying this once:

*whisperwhisperDoombowhisperwhispercastlewhisperwh isperbodywhisperwhisperhideouslawnornamentwhisperw hispertimeframewhisperwhisperthefaintestideawhispe rwhisperenigmaticgitwhisperwhisper*

Got it, chaps?

[alex_holt]

MARISA, AURELIA and EPSILON

The motivational speech that Aurelia commands forth stirs even the fearful singers into a fighting force - from running away they form a perimeter to contain the Chimera rampage, while a few of the tougher and braver singers join in the brawl - in the end Epsilon, Aurelia, Marisa, the Bubble Mammoth, A busty Leprechaun woman with a flick-knife, the squirrel and the gold loving Dwarf square off against the creature.

The chimera is clearly not used to people confronting it, and seems somewhat confused, but it leaps into combat after it has time to size up its opponents. Epsilon opens fire with his armour piercing rounds, but the high magic levels in such a creature seem to have granted it supernatural toughness too - it would seem only a few of the bullets have managed to pierce its hide.

However the fine laser points that Marisa has summoned seem to be affecting it more - seemingly the magic of the beam causing more pain if not that much damage. The Bubble Mammoth is fighting defensively and blocking and fire blasts from getting too near anyone else, though the party note the hairline cracks starting to appear on the bubble slightly more with each blast.

It is however Aurelia and her Sunsword that get the first major strike - as the dwarf, leprechaun and squirrel manage to climb onto the side of the huge beast and begin attacking anything they can get their mitts on. The sunsword however comes in and with a might cleave severs the lion head of the great beast with the smell of toasted lion-meat. Traditionally this is done last, and it would seem that despite missing the largest of its three heads, it can still move, albeit not very cohesively, and a swing of the serpents head knocks Aurelia flying, blasting the angel backwards through a nearby apparent complex and out the other side. Fortunately it appears that the construction around here was done by Animecorp, and therefore it is more the impact on the ground on the farside rather than being batted through a number of concrete walls that stuns the Angel.

Meanwhile Epsilon has managed to open fire at close range on the snake head, and combined with a mushroom fueled magic blast from Marisa, there is a sound of a neck snapping. At this point the creature rears up and charged off, knocking through the perimeter past a Potato-salad elemental and a talking Ford Fiesta to freedom, dislodging the dwarf, squirrel and leprechaun as it goes. It would seem, freed from the influence of its predatory parts, it has reverted to a herbivorous state.

Meanwhile the unconcious Penguin provides an opportunity for looting, about its person it has:

A Chocolate coated Fish bar
A magnum revolver
A book of Metapenguin Philosophy
A worn bowie knife, made of an unusual steel
Some reflective American Cop Style Sunglasses

EUDIAL, CLEO and LELAND

It would seem the music does have an effect, albeit not a huge one, the Sucker stirs somewhat as if the music is giving him a little strength to fight the parasites, but the leaches begin to squirm and suck down harder. While the music could be part of a solution, it seems more is needed.

Cleo also notices that the fish before them somewhat resembles the Fish on the crate she chose back at the church.

PLAYZOOKI

Playzooki has the most intense and radical five mintues of his life. Through the course of a single power ballad, he finds himself going from beginner in axe fighting and floral cross stitch to a pro. He feels the power of the 80s surge through him like a torrent, and a handlebar moustache sprouts from his lip. By the time the song ends he feels ready to face any axe or cross stitch based challenge the world could throw at him.

"There you go, now you are ready for anything!" Hercules Atlas asks.

"Just to let you know, now you are infused with the power of the montage you may have to shave every day if you don't want that moustache. I will give you this complimentary handaxe/crossstich set to get you on your way! Also my personal mixtape of power ballads!

Would you like any more training, any more montages will cost you 75 credits, but there is a more advanced selection available if you want. If not, you should go forth into the world, choose a thing you think you want to do and go do it, whatever it is!"

TWITCH

It doesn't take long for Twitch to find the entrance to the ship, it is a fairly obvious door, currently open, and from the empty boxes outside it seems like they just finished installing some vending machines inside and hadn't bothered to lock up properly. As he enters inside he finds the matte white walls light up in a way that directs him to the bridge. When he arrives it appears as a perfectly smooth white room with no furniture, but even as he looks at it it begins to change shape, and before he knows it the whole thing just feels intuitive - he knows how to fly it, it just makes complete sense.

Within a minute, the great spaceship rises above the base, and is entirely under Twitches control.

PROFESSOR VENGEANCE

"Save all reality? Nooooo no, it is just a special little seed, and very rare you know. There aren't many Timesplitting Oaks left you know, they are hard to propagate - you have to let them phase into a certain kind of stone and then...*he goes into a long ramble about mineral supplements, temperature variables, acidity and which kinds of music this species prefers (smooth Jazz). All they can do is reboot things of time down different branches of time, nothing bigger than the tree itself"

On hearing the second section the Catalyst, currenly speaking the voice of the asian woman, speaks out "So what you are essentially saying is that Doomforall has roped you into something and you know absolutely nothing - I assume he's left you some instructions at least and from our previous encounters, some sort of bribe?"

[kodster]

With a rather grim ending, Eudial puts the pungi away, earning at least one set of clapping, she felt. But it didn't sate her much, as hardly anything had changed. Clearly a tune like that wasn't what was needed... clearly, what was needed, was...

"Violence," boomed the woman. "Now the time calls for it." Her eyes literally blazed and her hair gracefully rose up; there was little doubt to everyone else what was coming. Focusing all her energies on the little blasted things, Eudial concentrated on setting those little bastards on whatever fire they were most vulnerable to, if at all. But she grinned as well. She enjoyed burning things...